At the last stop

[Orchid37]

I am feeling too many things this morning...and panic is at the top of that list.
The weird thing is that I feel panic about being numb. I feel panic that I just have to wait and someone else's condition - mainly pregnancy - going to decide on my fate. WHY did I not force him to stay? WHY couldn't I make him do anything I asked? WHY did he continue to live with me ... without trying? WHY did he have to complicate matters in THIS convoluted way? Mild Life crisis or not....why would you treat a person with such carelessness? What can he possibly do now? What can I possibly do now? pray. pray. pray. He is not even ready to be a father....but, then again, most people say "there never is a correct time".

Sigh. Its a difficult morning. I don't want to stop worrying. It's uncomfortable to stop worrying. To say, well we will see what happens....I want to call him every second to ask. "so? is she pregnant?" but, he has asked for 30 days. I am now officially the OW, if all this is really happening and I will have to just have to walk away and there is nothing and no one to worry about. I have no rights. I will have to worry about myself, I guess. Not my comfort zone at all.

Sigh. Ok. will go to work and hope for a good day 3. I can't believe its just start of day 3. I have 28 more days.......