LBS needing advice...

[AntoniaB]

Brooklyn's post recently had a conversation with her XH where he said "I suck, don't I?"

I wonder sometimes if the reason that these people bailed on us is that they knew that we would ALWAYS work hard to keep things going and they knew that they couldn't match our efforts. Almost like they gave up, a sort of, "I know I can't possibly work as hard/as long as my spouse, I don't have the strength or fortitude, so I'm bailing."

If that is the case then their leaving may be the best thing to happen. I mean, would we want to be in a place where we held the relationship together in an 80/20 ratio, 80 being us, 20 being them? Or anything different than 50/50? Sure, we'd do it. That is who we are. We would probably all sacrifice just about anything for them/the marriage.

But in the end, maybe that's NOT a good thing because we'd lose ourselves.

We have to get past this notion that we are only "worth" something, that we've only "accomplished" something, if we contribute to or hold together a marriage.

Marriage seems to be the fulcrum, but maybe it isn't. Maybe the fulcrum is just being there for others in any way/capacity possible. Maybe our self-worth should be coming from that as opposed to being desired by/loved by just one person.

Just my 2 cents ;-)