So H showed up here on Monday with his list of things he wants from the house, an agreement about kids , support and papers for divorce. I did not react as much as I thought I would have. When I asked H later what was his time frame for all of this, he says, whenever you wish I am in no hurry. I have gone over the list and stuff and at a first glance, it looks like he is trying to be so nice. But as I sat down and really went over the list of assests, his total exceeds anything I have. I have not discussed it with him yet, but I am sure there is a war on the horizon.
H is still planning on moving into his friends basement suite even after I voiced my concerns. His friend has quite the criminal record including arrson which he spent time in jail for. His friend had a fight with his uncle and as a result friend got angry and burnt the barn down. Even went as far as putting his dog in the car and placing car in the barn before burning it down. I told H that I am not comfortable with our kids staying there for any length of time. Definately not 50% of the time.
I know I can not control where he lives but I can control the safety and where abouts of my children. I did not want to have to get lawyers involved, but it is starting to look like I am going to have to.
I am not over reacting about this am I?
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
Wanda15, No you are not overreacting. I wish W and I were not engaged through our respective Ls, but that is how you protect yourself. D is about separating the financial aspects of the M. We pay Ls to represent and protect us through this process.
You have an obligation as parent and every right to insure your children are safe and well cared for.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I saw a thread today about BIRTHDAYS. I was going to post on there but didn't want to hijack it. Figure I will vent here and then maybe have something good to say over there.
H and had a talk today about our S11 b-day that is coming up. He asked me what WE are doing for him. My first reaction was WE, what WE. You wanted out so there is no we. I told him S wants to go to movies with some friends. And I was going to take them unless he was planning on it. He doesn't really answer that but wants to know about cake and stuff. So I told him that he could go over to his mom and dad's and do cake and I would do stuff here for him.
H did not like this idea at all. He thinks just because we are seperated doesn't mean we can't do things together with the kids. I disagree. H wanted out. H didn't want to put the effort into trying to work on M. So why do I have to feel uncomfortable in my home because of this. I think he should have thought about what was going to happen when he left.
Maybe its being selfish, but screw him. I am dealing with all the day to day heartache from D and all the weird behavior from S's. Being able to provide a nice birthday for S without H making me uncomfortable isn't too much to ask. I am not saying he can't spend some time with S on b-day, just not in my house.
Okay venting done.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
Uhhhh, LIS...what strength? there is no strength there? Just a whole lotta anger. He looked so sheepish today I wanted to smack the look off his face. I have started to build this brick wall around my heart and he noticed. he came here today for something. not sure what it was, but according to him he was reading things wrong and i am very guarded. His words.
This whole thing is just plain crappy. I don't feel strong at all.
Lis you have a huge heart and I think you are an amazing person. Grab onto my hand and we can ride this $hit out together.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
I know you are angry, but you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I was just talking to some friends today who told me to do what you are doing. I'm so scared. I know that they are right, but I'm so scared.
I will absolutely take your hand, Wanda!!! Thanks for offering it!
Well hang on tight then lady, cuz this is gonna be a bumpy ride.
I can not say that I do not love my H. I do! But when I think about all the nasty stupid ignorant things he has done lately and over the past 15 years, I know one thing for sure....I do not deserve this crap. I know I can love him from a very far distance....because it is not healthy for me to love him any closer.
I am not a bad wife. I have not been a bad wife. I have made bad choices and been way to tolerannt of bad behavior. I will not settle for a M that I do not want to wake up to everyday.
So LIS...we are gonna get you through this.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
hi wanda i agree with lis..you are strong..so strong
i do not think you are over-reacting at all when it comes to your kids spending time with at the home of your h friend.
there is no way, you should let that happen he should be wary of that as well
i know we have to pick and choose our battles and that would be one for me
i understand that you still love him i still love my h, as well and still have the smallest sliver of hope that this will work out especially after our time on the west coast where we did most things as a family heck, when he dropped us off at the airport, i got 2 kisses goodbye on the lips that has not happened in a long time then he got back to the east coast late last night he stopped by my parents house (where i am staying) to get the car (we only have one right now) and walked around the bed to give me a kiss on the cheek
but i know he is only being nice and trying to be concerned as both of my parents have major health issues right now
i have been married almost 15 years as well and i have been a good wife i don't deserve this, but if he truly feels he is unhappy (and how many times can i hear that?) then the only thing i can do is let go i, like you, deserve someone who knows a great thing when they have it let them try to find better they will be trying forever
we just need to take care of our children and ourselves the rest will happen for us thanks for checking in always thinking about you and hope you are doing well
You BOTH deserve better. You BOTH gave yourselves to your husbands, children, parents and anyone else who asked anything of you. There comes a time when your needs come first. I just wish I could knock the crap out of your husbands!!!
