Hi, I'm really excited about this exploration that we may be getting into of crazymaking. (I'm inviting myself!)
Sage, tbh, i've been feeling jealous/angry/irritated reading your threads sometimes. You have so much good going on (And so much *words* from h that I want to hear so bad) and you continue to feel yucky. What is going on, girlfriend??? I know this is baffling you too:
Quote: A follow on post that Underdog made challenged me to answer the question: What need isn't getting fulfilled that leads me to crazymake?
My knee jerk reaction would have been that I'm missing verbal affirmations...but honestly, h has been SO VERBAL that I just can't believe that that's totally it.
Maybe it's not what I am hearing but what I **think** I'm not hearing that I'm looking for....and that's not fair...to him, to me, to us. You are not hearing him and that IS going to be frustrating to him. He will feel like you don't trust him/believe him/believe in him. He may tire of telling you these things if you cont. to feel insecure.
I'm still stuck on stuff sometimes...
that he thinks I'm a "good wife" You ARE a good wife, and we all wonder that about ourselves at times, no? that he no longer believes "it's never been right" He's told you that he WANTS to be with you forever again, right? A lot of people wonder about these things in their m from time to time, no? that he recognizes why he strayed and won't do it again We hope he does, but that is on him! He is an intelligent man with a conscience-I'm sure he regrets it/feels ashamed/hurt/sorry. I'm sure that NOONE wants to do that to his/her spouse that he wants to be married to me He married you, he's STILL married to you...need I say more? that it's ok with him if sometimes I'm nutty and insecure In God's name, PLEASE tell me who isn't nutty and insecure sometimes??? that he doesn't wish that he had stayed with ow She's a tramp. ha ha...WHO IS HE WITH??? SAGE OR ow????????? HE'S WITH SAGE! HE'S WITH SAGE! HE MARRIED SAGE! HE LOVES SAGE! etc
Same old stuff...that I'm "good enough", that I'm "chosen" by him, that it won't happen again.
Who told you that you aren't good enough? What reason do you have to not believe that you are good enough? Why isn't Sage lovable??? What's wrong with you? Honestly??? You are constantly getting praise in here, you are a successful, smart engineer, you are hot, you are fun, you are romantic and playful. What do you still think is wrong with you???
You are doing great by identifying your anxieties and insecurities and your areas that need work. What about your strengths? What do you like most about yourself? What are you good at? What happened to your volunteering? Are you still doing that? What traits can you capitalize and focus on? What makes you a good wife? You've talked about what makes you better than ow. BELIEVE IT!
What is the need that is not being fulfilled?
I think it's probably the one that most of us here deal with on a continual basis-loving ourselves. Sh!t, if I knew how to do it, I wouldn't be here. I would know that h loves me and have no qualms about it. AND I would believe that if he didn't, it would be HIS loss. How's that for detaching? How's that for confidence? What if we all felt that way and believed it?? Wouldn't the world and the bb be a much better place?
How can we get there? What will it take? What works for you? I know you are meditating and exercising, etc. What's keeping the love for yourself from really sinking in? It has nothing to do with h. It's all about you!
