Picked up our van from W last night so I could take it skiing. Had a quick chat with her. The night we went out she said she was afraid if she came back things would go back to the way they were. I asked her about that, and she said she knows things would be different if she comes back, but doesnt know that she can come back to someone that has hurt her so much. I just said I understand. Not sure what to think of that...
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Just got back from seeing Gnomeo and Juliet with kids and W. Texted wife to tell her she's welcome to join us, she responds with "I can.". So I called her and told her she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to, and she said no, I'll go. So I picked her up and we went and i had a good time. On the way home she mentioned her laptop isn't working well, so I offered to take a look at it and she said that would be fine. Got back to her sisters place, worked on the computer for a bit, and then we went to leave. I thanked her for coming, she thanked me for working on the computer, D5 started crying when mommy was leaving, so i went and got W for one more hug & kiss for D5 before we left. Asked W if she wanted to catch a movie tomorrow night, and she said "I don't know, we'll see", then kids and I went on our way. Again, I'm not sure how to feel about today. So hard to stay patient here when I'm leaving again in 3 days...
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Navy, JMO, but now is when you need to be the most patient. Consider:
Your visit has gone really well. She’s unsure of her decisions and feeling some anxiety because of that. She knows what you want. She doesn’t need to hear it again. If you lose patience and pressure her then the stress she feels from that will color all of the good your visit has accomplished.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Totally agree. Going forward, I suggest just making your plans with the kids and don't bring up the invite anymore. She will let you know if she wants to join. She might even want to but not. Show her what a good time you are having regardless.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Agreed, patience is very important right now. I would not try to push anything that involves the two of you every day. It could push her away and feel like you are in pursuit. Remember, she needs some room to breathe or she will never be able to dump those negative feelings.
You are doing well, my man. Keep it up!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Major backslide tonight...too many people here telling me what to do and the emotion of leaving the kids again got to me...
Asked W to talk tonight. Started off ok, with some talk about what I'd be willing to do if she came back...then asked her about what her plan is if she decides not to come back, specifically with regards to our kids. Then I Told her that I need to be a dad to our kids and that being 2000 miles apart like this is killing me. I told her that I'd get out of the navy and move to Colorado in a heartbeat if I could, but right now I owe another 3 years and I'm stuck in DC.
She told me she knows the situation and that she's not trying to keep me from the kids, and I responded that it feels to me like that is what's happening.
She said that she has already sacrificed so much and put her life on hold or me that she can't do that anymore. I asked her what shed be sacrificing, if she were to come back and us be separated, and she said shed just be so unhappy.
Then we talked about how she needs space...she said she hasn't had any time to think and has been constantly bombarded with emails and phone calls from people worried about us. She feels like she's being made into the bad guy because she left and doesnt want to tell people all the bad things I've done to her in order to protect my reputation. I said that I don't care about my reputation.
Then I brought up how she askde the other night how I was doing. She had heard things were hard on me and that I am really having a hard time in the weekends. The other night i told her that im doing ok and that work is going fine. Tonight i I told her it's not just the weekends...and that I'm trying to be strong but this situation is just consuming me and it's all I think about...I am a mess a work and everything in my life is a wreck. This just made her upset.
Then I asked if it would help her if I take the kids back to dc. She said "now you want to take the kids", I said no, just asked to see if it would help you and I think it would help me give you the space you want. At this point she was really upset and asked me to get out of the car (we were parked in my parents driveway), so I did.
$&@#. What have I done.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Sounds like she "feels" she's under tremendous pressure. Do you want to be a source of more pressure?
I know you are an emotional wreck over this; We've all been there. But you've got to get a handle on your emotions and find some peace and strength.
Are you waiting for her to miraculously come home and fix everything to make your pain go away. Don't hold your breath. Fight through the rollercoaster on your own. You can do it.
She want's space? Support her. She's undecided and unsure, that's not a bad thing. My W has already filed for D.
Be a source of strength and support for her, not pain and pressure. Get yourself together for the long haul. Understand there are no guarantees.
Prayers Pickle
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Navy, WTF dude? Man up! She took your kids! SHE TOOK YOUR KIDS! She wants to leave you? FINE! She wants yo move somewhere else? FINE! But not thousands of miles away.
You are their dad! You have rights!
See how angry she got at even the mention of being away of her children? Attractive? Yup!
See how she stood up for HER rights as a mom? Attractive? Yup!
I'm angry just reading this Navy!
There was no reason to create a situation where you are unable to see your kids!
You need to go to the court in your state and force her back.
I know you're hurt but those are your kids! Dude? I can't say it enough! Your kids!!!!!!
Time to stop being hurt and start being mad.
You want to talk about acting "as if"?
Act "as if" you will do anything to get your kids back!
YOUR KIDS!!!!
I'm pulling for you Navy! I am...
Simply unacceptable!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Navy, WTF dude? Man up! She took your kids! SHE TOOK YOUR KIDS! She wants to leave you? FINE! She wants yo move somewhere else? FINE! But not thousands of miles away.
You are their dad! You have rights!
See how angry she got at even the mention of being away of her children? Attractive? Yup!
See how she stood up for HER rights as a mom? Attractive? Yup!
I'm angry just reading this Navy!
There was no reason to create a situation where you are unable to see your kids!
You need to go to the court in your state and force her back.
I know you're hurt but those are your kids! Dude? I can't say it enough! Your kids!!!!!!
Time to stop being hurt and start being mad.
You want to talk about acting "as if"?
Act "as if" you will do anything to get your kids back!
