Underdog wrote: Back in October, my DB friend (Cycler) and I entered a dialogue about crazymaking. Her H and I have that in common. I realized that my incessant need to create chaos in order to receive words of affirmation (my love language) had taken a toll on Mr. Wonderful--he no longer felt safe with me.
Realizing the impact my habit had on the ones I love was very sobering. I see the harm it did in all of my close relationships, and have decided to learn every trick in the book to keep that addiction under control. I find it very difficult not to create drama, so this is new territory for me.
Sage replied: My "crazy making" is calmer and quieter than it used to be thanks to DR but I've been teetering around for the last few days wondering why/how/what the heck I've been doing...things are so great at home so why am I mentally rocking the boat? Probably confusing the heck out of h?
Your post reminded me of my bad habit...
Just 'cause I'm not doing it at the top of my lungs anymore doesn't mean I ain't doing it...
A follow on post that Underdog made challenged me to answer the question: What need isn't getting fulfilled that leads me to crazymake?
My knee jerk reaction would have been that I'm missing verbal affirmations...but honestly, h has been SO VERBAL that I just can't believe that that's totally it.
Maybe it's not what I am hearing but what I **think** I'm not hearing that I'm looking for....and that's not fair...to him, to me, to us.
I'm still stuck on stuff sometimes...
that he thinks I'm a "good wife" that he no longer believes "it's never been right" that he recognizes why he strayed and won't do it again that he wants to be married to me that it's ok with him if sometimes I'm nutty and insecure that he doesn't wish that he had stayed with ow etc
Same old stuff...that I'm "good enough", that I'm "chosen" by him, that it won't happen again.
Sooooo...how to put ACTION around recognizing and stopping crazy making?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
