I have to admit, after typing about OM, it got me fired up and made me feel uneasy. I hate that feeling.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Anything about the OM should make you uneasy. I have a similar sitch (see my signature) OM was W's first H, only lasted 2 yrs (I think) That was almost 25 yrs ago! Then d-bag pops up out of nowhere.
Let me ask everyone on the board no matter how much you contributed to the problems in your own M.
What kind of a person persues a R with another man's wife?
What kind of a person does that even when they are still married to their own spouse?
These OM/OW are illigitimate as far as I am concerned, and do not deserve a single microsecond of thought polluting your mind.
Just my 2 cents. Pickle
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
These OM/OW are illigitimate as far as I am concerned, and do not deserve a single microsecond of thought polluting your mind.
Just my 2 cents. Pickle
I agree wholeheartedly Pickle. It is a challenge to not let the mind get polluted about the OP. I try to keep reminding myself to be the greener grass.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I saw you commented on my post and wanted to come over and check you out. With so many people and so many sitch I find it hard to keep up.
I read your sitch all I can say is WOW! I have a twin! I don't know how familiar you are with my sitch but here are some similarities.
W Moved 1500 miles away already. Yours is heading that way.
MIL lives with us; actually it was my mom and her MIL.
W did 1 session with my DB coach also.
"M is indestructible" yep. I thought the same thing. We were the model of a M and we often made that comment to each other
Took her for granted
W has not been mean or vicious
OM was lurking when she first moved (child hood friend) he, I believe, is out of the pic.
Anything else?
I think that is quite a bit.
I will continue to follow your sitch but I wanted to post this after I read the first post.
I wish I would have found this website and all this info while my W was still here.
For the meantime consider another BITS at your service.
2step, thanks for dropping in.
I have been trying to keep up with your sitch. If I remember correctly, your wife moved to OK, right? I started following your sitch when I found this forum. I most likely didn't start from the beginning, as I did not realize our sitch had so much in common. I will continue to follow, as you have been doing great.
Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the W moving, but it might be the best thing for us. That's my hope, unless by the grace of God W changes her mind before that time comes. IDK.
The one thing I am looking forward to though, is the MIL moving out. I feel like she has taken complete advantage of me and my family. The W and I had a very heated conversation about this. W holds this against me.
The MIL was supposed to live with us while she looked for a job and got her own place. MIL didn't make one effort to look for a job. Not one. I would come home from working 10 hour days to find MIL watching TV or on the computer. She had my DVR set to record 40-50 hours of TV each week. Plus I didn't feel like I had any alone time with the W. There are things that I could have done differently, but I let my frustrations get the better of me. I still think that W should be more understanding of my point of view.
I don't mind helping someone, as long as they make an effort to help themselves. My W has always known this, but I get vilified for MIL's shortcomings.
Ah well. Can only make changes from this point forward.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Today W has a telephone interview with a potential employer in NM. I left her the following note:
Good Morning Sweetheart,
I just wanted to wish you luck with your interview today. I don’t think you need any luck as I know you have always been good at what you do. I hope you know that I have always believed in you and that I have always been proud of you.
Have a great day, LITB
Text Message from W:
Good Morning! Thank you so much for my note today! I’m so excited for my interview…..
I haven’t replied and don’t think I will. I’m sure she will tell me about it when I get home. The note from me is sincere. It might be teetering on pursuing. I probably should have not included “sweetheart”.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
LITB - I don't really have much comment on your answers to my questions. Just trying to get a better idea of your sitch.
"Teetering on pursuing"? ... The note was pursuing. Probably should have left it at "I just want to wish you luck with your interview today".
Short and sweet.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
"Teetering on pursuing"? ... The note was pursuing. Probably should have left it at "I just want to wish you luck with your interview today".
Short and sweet.
BITS Denver
You are right. When in doubt, don't do it.
I probably don't deserve a 2x4 for that, more of a reminder.
We used to get reminders in grade school when we didn't do our homework. A reminder was a smack to an open hand with a ruler. Example: If we had 20 math problems to solve and didn't do them, we would get 20 reminders.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
If I remember correctly, your wife moved to OK, right?
Yep. To quote a line from one of my favorite movies "And so she walked out of my life forever" Doc Holliday
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I will continue to follow, as you have been doing great.
Please do, I think that we can learn from each other the distance is a unique sitch and not everyone deals with it. It present a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.
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Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the W moving, but it might be the best thing for us
This is good and bad. Seeing your W on a daily basis like say Denver or Bolt is tough. It is also hard to keep your emotions in check. The time apart will serve it's purpose if you use it correctly. It is hard and gut wrenching specially since you are keeping the kids. My D is my weakness. Also you can use the time away to detach and think. You will have your moments of anger when she does not call, this can be a benefit also. When she does call and you are going through anger, let the voice mail pick up. Take your time to call back when your mind is clear. Sound happy on the phone and be excited for her when something goes well. The most important part is to remember that distance and time can be your friend if you use it wisely.
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The one thing I am looking forward to though, is the MIL moving out. I feel like she has taken complete advantage of me and my family. The W and I had a very heated conversation about this. W holds this against me.
My W and I talking only in reverse. I defended my M and she could not take it anymore. I was wrong she was right. With time apart she will come to the same conclusion.
