Say WAS comes back to you after the supreme efforts you put into get your sitch on track. What's to say that the spouse will not leave again?
I know that there are no guarantees in life, but boy after all this hell to get your wayward spouse back, would you again wanna be on the same boat where spouse again leaves you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I guess the question I would ask you Karma is this:
You were M 11yrs and for a long time she prob told you on numerous occasions she was unhappy. Did you listened? I know you heard her. I heard my W also. Did you listen and did you get it?
It is not a question of whether they will stay next time around.
It is a question of what did you contribute to the breakup and what have you done to correct it so it does not happen again, not with this W not with any W.
Your W did not get up one morning and say "I quit". After months or even years of "trying" and not getting anywhere she began to give up hope. She got to a point that she felt nothing would change and she had no choice but to leave.
I realize every sitch is different but not really.
If you take this time to fix YOU then why would she walk away. Typically women don't leave a great guy. If you look in the mirror the question shift it no longer becomes 'she left me I can't trust her again. Instead it sounds something like this
"I can't believe she stayed for so long after all I have put her through."
Can you trust her?
Can SHE trust you?
If my W and I get back together I know she will not leave again because I have traveled this road and I am a better person and will continue to be a better person. I will recognize it sooner and I will live my life being the H she deserves, the H she begged me to be before she left.
If my W does not come back I will thank my current W for putting up with me for 10yrs and thank her for the education she gave me because there is going to be a woman out there I will make very happy courtesy of my W.
I guess the question I would ask you Karma is this:
You were M 11yrs and for a long time she prob told you on numerous occasions she was unhappy. Did you listened? I know you heard her. I heard my W also. Did you listen and did you get it?
It is not a question of whether they will stay next time around.
It is a question of what did you contribute to the breakup and what have you done to correct it so it does not happen again, not with this W not with any W.
Your W did not get up one morning and say "I quit". After months or even years of "trying" and not getting anywhere she began to give up hope. She got to a point that she felt nothing would change and she had no choice but to leave.
I realize every sitch is different but not really.
If you take this time to fix YOU then why would she walk away. Typically women don't leave a great guy. If you look in the mirror the question shift it no longer becomes 'she left me I can't trust her again. Instead it sounds something like this
"I can't believe she stayed for so long after all I have put her through."
Can you trust her?
Can SHE trust you?
If my W and I get back together I know she will not leave again because I have traveled this road and I am a better person and will continue to be a better person. I will recognize it sooner and I will live my life being the H she deserves, the H she begged me to be before she left.
If my W does not come back I will thank my current W for putting up with me for 10yrs and thank her for the education she gave me because there is going to be a woman out there I will make very happy courtesy of my W.
2Step, Man all good points. Yup, you are right. When i look back at my marriage, i feel that most of the time i operated in some kind of autopilot mode. Was never mindful or our marriage or relationship.
Yes you are correct in that if you FIX yourself and can actively work on your marriage, then that ship should sail okay.
Yea our marriage did not fall in a day. I have to accept the accountability for its failure in understanding my W. Its funny, when i look back at some of the things she wanted from me, none was actually un-reasonable. I should use that hindsight as a guide for behavior in the future.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
