You can blame me anytime. It’s all laid out in my sitch for you to look at. I think overall you did a nice job here are the things that stand out to me
1. You tried the book. Good. It did not work. OK. She is not ready for that yet. The point is you tried during a time that the convo was lite and easy and that is the best time to test the waters. My W called yesterday. I thought she would want to read chapter two but immediately after talking with her just a few seconds I realized it was not the time to bring it up. So I didn’t. If you continue to have these types of convo’s you will have another chance.
2. You caught yourself making mistakes along the way. The important thing not that you made them they will happen it is that you caught it early and changed course.
3. Going for a walk together is a great idea. If I had this type of opportunity I would love it. It gives a chance to get out of the house and for her to do the same. You took a risk by asking her to come it paid off, you took a risk on the book, it did not pay off. What was it that I told you about earlier? Test, Evaluate……
4. Anytime you have an opportunity to keep the convo light and fun you are making progress. The fact that you were able to joke and have fun is big, now don’t get too comfortable with the exchange because it might be a little bit before you have one. My convo with W was about 15 minutes yesterday but that is ok, because ALL contact can be good contact if you chose it to be.
5. What you told her about the D is good. This is what I told my W “honey I don’t want the D. I think we can work things out, however if you think that the D is the only way to go and this is what you want, I will not stand in your way. Perhaps you are right maybe too much hurt has happened and we can’t fix it. I would like to try but if you don’t then go ahead and file. I will not facilitate it but I will support you” I let her know it was her decision not mine. You did something similar.
Overall very good job. At some point we have to test the waters but if the water is too hot you have to be ready to jump back out as quickly as you jumped in.
Denver, IW and 2step, thanks! Appreciate all the feedback.
I think the important thing for me at this point is to not get overly excited. Yes, I think it was a positive step, but, I also have to realize that this hasn't changed her mind. She is still walking her path which does not include me as her H. I do however think this type of thing has to confuse her a bit. I think that is a good thing, peaking her doubts a bit about her choices.
I will continue a semi-dim approach going forward. I have to make sure I don't pressure to do anything like that again anytime soon, I think that would come off as pursing. If she brings it up great, otherwise...
Back to working on the things I CAN control, me! While I do that, I can monitor her actions and see if I got anywhere. Fun times!!!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
You took a risk by asking her to come it paid off, you took a risk on the book, it did not pay off.
Actually, I did not ask her on the walk. It went like this. When we first talked I brought up taking D to dinner. When I brought this up I did say "you are welcome to joins us as well."
The dinner idea fell through because of the dog, so I said "How about I stop by and take her for a walk." This is when she said "Sure, I'll meet you at the park, I'd love to see the dog." As I mentioned before, she kind of back pedaled here a bit, realizing what she just did.
It is tough to say how she interpreted it, I know she is probably not analyzing it like I am, but technically, she invited herself on the walk!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Technicality. The point still stands, and I will tell you why
Quote:
"you are welcome to joins us as well."
You opened the door and she accepted it. The dinner fell through, ok she felt comfortable enough to go to the park for a walk. You tested the waters either way, whether you ended up at dinner or the park or looking for little midget unicorns in the Ever Ever After forrest doesn't make a difference.
I say nice job. You shot a 50% and considering where most of us are I would say 50% is not bad.
No, I totally agree, I was being a little tounge and cheek there
I am now regretting something I did this morning. I mentioned that the W brought up insurance. This is because they are going through the anual enrolement update process. She needs to update and prove we are still M. She said she needed a bill with both our names on it. She might come by today to pick that up. This morning, I left a copy of the bill, but then.... I also burned her a copy of a CD we had talked about and left it for her.
I feel like I am falling off the wagon a bit here. Losing focus.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Hey that seemed like a really nice day you had with your W at the park. Apart from the little issue with OM's W, wow that was great for you too...Yea, I am going to meet my W for a ceremony we have for our D. Gotta see if i can get some time with my W too. You are doing good man !!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
It has to put you at least above 50% for the time and effort to make your way home.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
