Good moving on actions. Reminders like these can keep you back from letting go. Keep GAL, and having a positive outlook. Life isn't over ... this could be your beginning of a new improved life, with or without your WAW.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Tough day for me today. My STBX left for vacation at a resort in Mexico this morning. I soooooo want to be there with her.
Last night I called to say goodbye and wish her well. She was very cold. When I said "are you flying out early?", her response was a rude "why does it matter to you when I leave?". She still thinks that I am always trying to pry and know what she's doing. If I asked anyone else the same question, they wouldn't respond that way. It actually made me angry. It [censored] that I am still guilty now, entirely based on the way I acted sometimes before she left.
If I asked anyone else the same question, they wouldn't respond that way.
If you asked anyone else the same question, it wouldn't be seen as pursuing. She is telling you to leave her alone. The more you push, the harder she will pull away.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Before STBX left for her vacation, I deleted her from Facebook. I knew I couldn't stop myself from looking at her profile and pining for her while she was gone. And I certainly didn't need to see pics of her vacation.
She realized when she returned and texted me about it. I did a decent job of explaining it wasn't negative towards her, but for my progress. It seemed like she took it well.
I was wrong. I had a feeling she would do something, so I checked her profile using D19's account. She has switched her status from married to single and deleted any of my family or friends from her account.
I know it's just a website, but it really got to me. I will pretend I don't know about, since I really shouldn't unless I was checking (which I was). STBX doesn't need to know that I checked or that it got to me.
A little update over a year and a half after I returned here...
STBX seemed to really not like my most recent approach and things started to feel very cold between us. So, rightly or not, I changed things up a little. A week ago when I was picking up S17 from work (he works for STBX) I told STBX that a singer we like is playing in our area in early April. I made no big deal out of it and just said "do you wanna go?". She said yes. So I got tickets online when I got home and texted her to confirm that I got them.
Yesterday STBX called me about an issue with her car. I took the initiative to ask how she is and we talked for a few minutes. She ended the conversation.
None of this adheres to basic DB principles, but sometimes I think I have to go with my gut. Obviously, my methods aren't hugely successful or I wouldn't still be here. But then, we still aren't divorced or even legally separated. I still live in my house with my kids and all my income stays in my home, while STBX provides support for the kids.
A little update over a year and a half after I returned here...
STBX seemed to really not like my most recent approach and things started to feel very cold between us. So, rightly or not, I changed things up a little. A week ago when I was picking up S17 from work (he works for STBX) I told STBX that a singer we like is playing in our area in early April. I made no big deal out of it and just said "do you wanna go?". She said yes. So I got tickets online when I got home and texted her to confirm that I got them.
Yesterday STBX called me about an issue with her car. I took the initiative to ask how she is and we talked for a few minutes. She ended the conversation.
None of this adheres to basic DB principles, but sometimes I think I have to go with my gut. Obviously, my methods aren't hugely successful or I wouldn't still be here. But then, we still aren't divorced or even legally separated. I still live in my house with my kids and all my income stays in my home, while STBX provides support for the kids.
I could be doing much worse.
Actually, BTM, I think your approach WAS working. In fact, I just read thru EVERY ONE of your posts on this thread, as a recap.
I think things changed when you allowed your EXPECTATIONS to change, and started getting a little needier/grabbier/pursuing with her. Had you continued your prior course, I think you would have seen her continue to try to pull you back in a little.
Go back and read your thread yourself -- you'll see what I mean.
Starksy - It may have been working in relation to long term outcome, but since I am no longer sure I even want to reconcile, I am more concerned about keeping things nice and protecting my interests right now. I don't want to give her any reason to get lawyers involved, or start going after money or forcing me to sell house etc.
Today, I went it to say hi when I dropped S17 off at work. STBX adjusted my shirt and also rubbed her hand across my face since I was a little unshaven. It's funny how something that went unnoticed in the past, actually makes me think now.
Today STBX was telling me about the separation/divorce of her boss and his wife. During that she mentioned that she would never ask for spousal support like that woman is even though I make a lot more money than her. That's good news.
Yesterday when I picked up S17 from work (again he works at restauarnt with stbx) I had lunch there. S17 and stbx sat down with me. When I was leaving stbx initiated hug and accidentally made me touch her breasts. She said "sorry" and as we hugged I touched her other one purposely without anyone else noticing. Not a big deal, but worth noting. Then I asked her if she liked my new jeans, because I'm not sure I do. I had to move my untucked shirt for her to see. I jonkingly said "don't look at my ____" She said "I can't help it. It's right there" and pointed.
Apparently being nice to her again, has made her feel comfortable enough to be nice in return. That's better than how things were going a couple weeks ago.
Tonight STBX and I are going to that concert together. I am hoping for a good night and am going to focus on making sure it is simply fun for her.
Yesterday she brought over some home made dishes for the kids and I. It's literally been months since she came over to our house at all other than to pick up or drop off our son for work.
