Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 3

[sparks14]

I am so conflicted right now that I don't know where to begin o end. I will just say that couples therapy tonight was entirely the logistical stuff I was assuming. I will go more into detail about it tomorrow, but it involved the co-parenting of our baby as well as finances. W and I decided to go out for a beer. We have had our dinners with our baby along that do not talk about the R at all.

This was two hours and a couple beers a piece of both of us communicating more than we ever have. I will also go into more detail about this tomorrow, but I can tell you that my W has no idea where to start her self discovery when she moves out on Saturday or how to even do it.

there was positive dialogue between us and some shared laughs. I will give you this little nugget as we sat in my car in front of her brother's apartment.

She told me that she has recognized all of the changes I have made, but no changes, no matter how drastic or positive, will change anything if she is gay.

I know that nobody on this board has much experience with this unique case, so I have been attacking it like I normally would. I ended telling my wife that through education, I have learned that I can change my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I have also learned that I cannot change hers.

In the end, my actions could build us a positive relationship going further. If not, at least they will have a positive impact on my self confidence and self esteem heading out. My W then agreed she has seen these changes in me. We held each other for a bit in the car, and then she went inside.

I am leaving a ton out, but I am pretty numb right now. I have to keep up the fight, but I am also feeling this may be a fight that is impossible. God help me.