Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 3

[Denver_2010]

IMO Sparks... don't worry about the $1900 unless you really, really NEED it.

I'm not completely familiar with your sitch, and for that I apologize. The issue for me is that you should only be doing things that draw your W closer to you... not pushing her away or driving a wedge bw the two of you.

In my sitch, my W left me, and did have an A.... okay, so how did I handle our finances?

When she first left, I began to take steps to have her removed from our car insurance, health insurance and cell phone plans... I told her that I was going to cancel our gym membership....

BUT... within a few days, when I got a little more emotionally balanced and figured out that I was going to fight for my M, I changed course with all of this. I have continued to pay for our insurance, cell phones, and have kept the gym membership. Recently, I have even given my W money to help her with bills. Although I only did this at the same time that I started to realize that W was reconsidering ending our M.

My W told me in early January that she was going to pay for her half of the bills that I was paying for... I told her "whatever makes you most comfortable"... of course she never did... she can't afford it and I knew that. But I truly didn't care.

One of my issues during my M was that I was selfish with money and always turned her expenditures into a big deal. I decided early on in my DBing that one of my 180s was going to be to let money matters go a little more.

In the grand scheme of things, what is $1900? In the grand scheme of things what will making your W feel upset do to your hopes for reconciliation?

I get the 'stand up for yourself' thought on this subject... but there is plenty of time for that in the future.

I'm not suggesting that you be a doormat... I don't think that you would be if you let the issue go... I think that you are considering the bigger picture... that being what is best for your goals.

BITS
Denver