That little engine that will ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Wow, what a few days it's been. Everything was ticking along according to plans, me doing my exercise, detaching and really just getting on with MY plans. Saw H on Saturday at soccer, stuck to my plan. Saw him again on Sunday at hockey and soccer ... again, stuck to my plan. We didn't really talk much, jsut a couple of short exchanges about kid's things. I really only saw him very briefly as I was on the track for most of it. Sunday, at soccer, he was sitting in the stands by himself and looked kinda sad but I really didn't read much into it. OW hadn't been around hockey at all but I knew they had been out of town last week, (likely together - didn't really know, didn't really care).

So, went to kid's hockey last night and H was there. I helped with skates and told the kids I'd be back to get them as I had a few things to do. H offered to drop them off after but I said it was OK, I'd be back.

Went to the track and did another walk for an hour, stopped by the store briefly then back to the rink. OW hasn't been around the last couple of ice times which I found kind of odd but didn't really give it too much thought. H said good bye to the kids and left before they finished undressing. Seemed to be in a bit of a hurry.

Kids and I went home, I had a great chat with an old friend, cleaned up a bit and went to bed with the kids around 9 pm. I forgot to shut my ringer off on my phone and around 10 pm, I heard H's text tone - my phone was in my en suite charging and since I had the kids, I figured it wasn't urgent so I rolled over and went back to sleep. Around 11 I got up to go to the bathroom and checked my phone while I was there.

H: We should really get together and talk about D, are you free for lunch sometime this week?

We have not been out for lunch, or anywhere alone together since November 09! I wrote back asking what was up. We got into a very long text exchange starting with the message D had sent him on FB regarding the OW going to her B-day party. The long and the short of the text exchanges was H apologizing for making bad decisions, telling me he has come to his senses and ended it with OW and that he realized how stupid he was being that he realizes he made many mistakes and screwed up. I simply reiterated that I have talked with D and we are fine and that I have made it very clear to D that her relationship with H is not my business and that it is up to them to figure it out. Aside from telling him I was bitter that I missed D's 11th B-day party and that I will never get that back but that I was over it ... I showed no emotion whatsoever in the exchange. Talk of our R never came up.

Towards the end of the exchange, I tell him how hard I have been working with the kids on open and honest communication and say: "Somtimes you have to show them your wounds, (carefully), before they will show you theirs." H responds saying they will see his soon enough as he broke it off with OW but is still upset over it. I tell him I'm so sorry for him, it must be tough. Everytime I think I've sent him the last text, he responds with something to keep the conversation going. He asks me if I've been dating to which I respond yes (I have gone out on quite a few dates - nothing serious - just enjoying company). He asks all kinds of questions about that - I'm very vague with my responses. He goes on to say he's noticed me really looking after my appearance, I look great and he's noticed me walking the track a lot.

Well, this text exchange went on for just over two hours and it eventually leads to him coming to the house shortly after 1 in the morning and you can guess what happened from there. It has been over a year since we have physically touched on another in any way, shape or form. He finally left around 4 am - we were extremely careful not to get caught by the kids as that would have been a disaster! When he gets back to his place, he sends me a text thanking me and a few more flirty texts and one asking if he will ever get that chance again. I respond saying I'm not commited right now so it is possible. He says, well, I have no commitments right now either, this could work out good. He again is keeping up with the texting till I finally say that I have to go to bed ... someone has to make sure the kids make it to school in the morning.

Sent him a text this am just saying wake up. A couple of brief exchanges and that's all I've heard.

So, my plan from here:
1. NO EXPECTATIONS
2. Carry on as if nothing happened - don't change a thing from what I have been doing
3. Keep focussing on me and the kids
4. Do not contact him and maybe wait a little to respond when he makes contact

Looking for feedback, advice and breathing room/space/time! I totally didn't expect any of this, it's come completely out of the blue!