M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Good stuff man, you are making great progress. My big one that is in your list, I want a chance to really show her how sorry I am for the way I treated her. After the books I have read, this forum, and a lot of thinking in general, I think I really understand how I made her feel. I CONSTANTLY criticized. She felt like she wasn't worth a bucket of rocks by the time she left. I feel terrible about it...
Denver is right as well, don't lose sight of your personal goals. I think having both is a good plan, and balancing them is key.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Country and Denver you are right about my personal goals. I will post those later tonight.
Karma Thanks for checking in as always a new set of eyes is always welcomed
FOBD: As the CO of the BITS you can steal anything you want from my thread. It helps, I am happy to use it.
W called last night. Well I texted her around 5 and told her not to forget about the bill she wanted me to pay. She responded
W “Yeah I will send you the account info shortly. Thank you hope you are having a great day also. My day has been good”
I did not respond.
About 9:30 she called.
W “hey what are you up to”
M “just putting D to be.”
W “Ok look this song up. Whenever you are in a bad mood this song will make you smile because it is really funny.”
M “Oh ok. Need to keep that 1 handy”
W “LOL let me know when you listen to it.”
I listened to the song and it was funny. We talked a few minutes and she told me she would be going to a basketball game with her sister tomorrow night.
We talked for about 10-15 minutes about nothing really and that was that.
2step, I think the song thing is HUGE. Know why? I tried did that with my W early on in the process. I think I knew what I was doing too, I was trying to initiate a small bond. "We are both listening to this song together."
Your W sounds like she is doing the same thing. Shoe on the other foot maybe?
Keep it up!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Thanks country. That is a good way to look at it. I have a song I want to share with her but not yet. Here is the song I am thinking about sharing with her at some point..........when the moment is right
A good friend brought this to my attention and I wanted to share with all of you. I thought it would be appropiate.
"Do you know what happens after you plant the seed of a Chinese Bamboo Tree? Nothing. That's right. Absolutely nothing. For 4 years after planting the seed of this tree you get no satisfaction other than a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb. Must be something wrong, right? A still birth or stunted growth. A bad seed maybe. If you didn't know about the growth patterns for this tree, you'd think that all your efforts to plant and cultivate were useless. But, in fact, what's happening all the time is that underneath the ground there's a massive root structure that's forming. You can't see it, but it's there and it's HUGE. Then, in the 5th year, the Chinese Bamboo Tree grows and grows and grows, sometimes up to EIGHTY FEET tall!
Marriages sometimes grow like Chinese Bamboo Trees. You try and try doing kindnesses, giving gifts, being gentle, sharing a joke, but sometimes it takes months, even years before you SEE the growth. But all the while you're making deposits into a secret account that all of a sudden (that's the way it seems, but, in fact, my point is that it's not all of sudden) begins paying dividends.
It takes maturity to be patient. And it takes maturity to be willing to give your spouse the time they need to grow and to see that time as an opportunity for you to grow too."
