I agree with both you. The entire conversation to me was summarized on that one statement. Once the initial support is over you are left with YOU, everyone else goes about living their lives. That is something we all need to remember when we think life is great in the life of our WAS.
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I only wish that I knew you personally so that I shoot you a text or a message on FB congratulating you!!!!
I agree Denver. I kind of get why they limit the contact between us posters and I guess I could agree with it. I do wish one day some of us could meet. I feel like I know you guys so well. Oh well. Until the mods stop restricting us we are left to words on a computer.
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I hope my wife and I can get to a place or opportunity like the one you and your wife just had.
Alamo there was a time when I thought this would never happen. You know what? I made it a small goal. A few weeks ago when I first came here an started thinking with a clear head instead of emotions I said I will read a book with my W at some point. This is one step towards that goal. She might be around to read another chapter and I hope that she will be. My goal was chapter 1 that was it. Keep small and keep realistic.
You have really got her thinking over there. She is so right. Once the initial shock of the news wears off, the family and friends just go back to their lives and we are left alone with our misery and grief. But, not us, BABY! We have the BITS! We have support, we have tools and the talent to combat this thing. What does the WAS have? Ughhh, not much. Just their little plan (that doesn't work so well and plenty of time on their hands). That is why our work here with each other is so important. We are never alone, really. Even though we don't know each others real names or lives, we can support each other. We can keep each other on track and on the right path.
Dude, once again, I am going to steal one of your moves someday. I have already printed out your apology and I am going to use parts of it. Now, I am going to work on this book reading thing.
As commanding officer of the BITS, I am hereby recommending you for a promotion to "Major." "Major 2step." I like it. It kind of roles off the tongue. I think both you and Denver are in line for a huge promotion. Keep up the good work!!!
BITS never walk alone!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Just out of curiosity, did your wife file for divorce or did you? How are you handling it, emotionally and stuff, I mean?
BITS
My wife filed. She filed after a little bit of a blow out. I attempted to take control of the sitch back in the december and she filed a week later. About a week or two after that I found this website and as I found my way out of the darkness I began to change how I approached things.
How am I handling it? I guess it would depend on when you ask me. Most days I don't even think about it. I am focused on the big picture and I see the D as a small piece of the large puzzle. I would be lying if I said it does not bother me but honestly I think if it goes through I will be in a much better place than she will. You know why? Because I have you guys and I don't say that lightly
You have really got her thinking over there. She is so right. Once the initial shock of the news wears off, the family and friends just go back to their lives and we are left alone with our misery and grief. But, not us, BABY! We have the BITS! We have support, we have tools and the talent to combat this thing. What does the WAS have? Ughhh, not much. Just their little plan (that doesn't work so well and plenty of time on their hands). That is why our work here with each other is so important. We are never alone, really. Even though we don't know each others real names or lives, we can support each other. We can keep each other on track and on the right path.
Dude, once again, I am going to steal one of your moves someday. I have already printed out your apology and I am going to use parts of it. Now, I am going to work on this book reading thing.
As commanding officer of the BITS, I am hereby recommending you for a promotion to "Major." "Major 2step." I like it. It kind of roles off the tongue. I think both you and Denver are in line for a huge promotion. Keep up the good work!!!
BITS never walk alone!!
FOBD
FOBD:
I will tell you this. This board and you guys is what has kept me and a lot of us from the deep end. You are absolutely about us having each other. We have descovered something that most people never see and even less finish. Hang tough FOBD if my sicth can serve as a tool that will help you then I am happy to provide it.
Major huh? Hmmmmmm. I like it. Does it come with a pay raise?
Hang in there, 2step. Sounds like you're enduring some rough weather right now. We're here for you. And, we're all trying to prepare as you have ... so that we are in a good place if the D comes to us.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
2step, just got caught up. Bold move with the book! Sounds like it went well. This is the kind of stuff I am starting to think about. When do I make some move? Idk. But well done sir!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I see the D as a small piece of the large puzzle. I would be lying if I said it does not bother me but honestly I think if it goes through I will be in a much better place than she will. You know why? Because I have you guys and I don't say that lightly
2step, absolutely right about friends in these forums. You guys are the best friends i ever have !!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Here is what I have learned and I hope it helps. After getting my head bashed in with 2x4's from my BITS and others I finally laid out some small goals I wanted to accomplish
1. Stop/Delay the D (I don't know if this has happened. She has only brought it up once but I don't think she has turned the papers in. As I stated earlier I sent them to her not the attorney)
2. Apologize to my W for being an arrogant a$$. (Check)
