Finances during therapy. I say this, because we are at a point where any major discussion between the two of us is occurring at therapy. For discussions like this, our C actually acts like a mediator while we get on the same page.
For me, I have been very open, supportive, and busting my 180s in the last month. I spent the entire therapy session last session just listening and validating while my W went through what troubles she saw in the M before the A. This topic is about crossing a boundary for me. When my wife pulled out the $1900 without discussion to use as "free found money" to reserve her apartment, it crossed a boundary for me. I need that to be known. I would then like to provide her my ideas of a solution.
As a couple that lives paycheck to paycheck with a 6 month old, money issues are taken seriously.
I want to be careful not to ram the decision down her throat, but then again, she did cross a major line.
My goals that may need ordering:
1. W crossed a boundary with me concerning taking out the $1900 without any discussion. Money was from a missing paycheck from last summer that we could have used and have equal entitlement to.
2. Last week, I agreed at the suggestion of our C to split our $1800 tax refund in good faith, since we are still married and filed jointly. Since you have decided to take the entire $1900 without discussion, I think it would be fair for me to keep the tax refund and pay off the medical debt from our son's birth as well as other debts of our as intended originally.
3. We will work of solo checking accounts and no longer use our joint account. You will be responsible for paying your apartment and you expenses. I will be responsible for paying the house and my expenses. We will split our son's expenses evenly.
That is the beef of the financial conversation. Now how on earth do I present this? I feel like this should be something where I put my foot down, since she had the A and she chose to move out when we were already scrapping by. I also don't want her to think I am bullying her about finances. Just last week, she mentioned that one of her major problems with me, was that she never felt she had a say in finances. She wanted to pay off debt, where I would allow us to spend more.
Thoughts on the approach or order to present?
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
