No is doesn't sound strange at all. Life isn't perfect right now but it is good. I've climbed out of my hole. I'm 90% back to my old self. I'm sorta dating someone. I'm not pushing it but it feels great to be appreciated and to fall back into a place where I can be "just me".
I do miss stbxw. I know she misses me too. She tells me that if i were to move back to her state it would make her "extremely happy". She want's my friendship. But I don't want people in my life who can just do such despicable things and think, well, "yeah it wasn't so great, but no biggie, right? I'm trying to be positive!" It drags down any interactions we have. But then, I feel bad, that somehow I'm in the wrong because I've gotten my $#!t together and am moving on.
I know things could have gone down differently and that we could both be in better places now. I guess that is the thing. There was so much needless pain. And I can forgive that, but in some sense she doesn't see it as needless. Maybe I just want to help her through this time, but she won't make the step of seeing errors.
Maybe there is a blessing in there for me. Today, I can look back and say I really tried. REALLY, tried. The breakup wasn't my doing and for a time, I would have done anything to fix it. She can't say that, and never will be able to. I think that is a kind of blessing for me. I'm starting again without guilt and I don't ever wonder if I did enough to save my M. If there is a bright side to how things went down, I think that is it.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
