H still living in home but cheating

[abbey1989]

Hi Sandi2,

What I want is to stop feeling like a victim. I sort of feel like I turned that corner yesterday. I do love H but am angry and resentful because I feel he is withholding info from me. To me, withholding information is the same as lying.

I've decided not to confront because in the past it has gotten me nowhere. All he does is deny. I am going to honor my marriage and do what I think is right.

Started working on the 180's yesterday and started working on becoming a happier me for my own sake. Came home from work, made a nice dinner and then went for a walk alone at sunset. H actually drove by as I was on my way home and drove me the rest of the way home. We had a nice evening in front of the fire with D17, watching a movie.

The thing that has been making me so sad is that I never seem to get a hug while lying in bed. He doesn't as much as rub my back or "spoon" or anything. Sex has waned and I haven't initiated since last weekend because he said no ("my stomach hurts" or "I'm already dressed"). I'm really not an Ogre and still look pretty good for 46 so not sure what the problem is other than maybe he feels like he would be cheating on OW by being with me. How twisted is that?

So this a.m. when he rolled out of bed and started the shower, I popped up and got ready for the gym. As I was leaving he said "oh...you're going for a walk" and I said no...going to the gym. Didn't act clingy (even though I feel it) and gave him a quick kiss on the lips and then confidently got in the car and drove away. I did look back and he had a bit of a confused look on his face. It's not that I never go to the gym, but in the past we have typically gone together. Also, I have been all mopey and sad around the house the last 3 weeks, so I think he took notice that I'm getting moving.

As far as sex goes, I've decided not to initiate even though he in the past said that was his issue. I have been shot down one too many times in the last 2 weeks. I have never said "no" to him ever where sex is concerned. OW probably has him covered these days. UGH!!!!!!!