When we started dating and up until about 5 years ago I was a very outward, positive person. The life of the party, able to meet strangers at ease and always quick with a joke. I started to change for several different reasons but the outcome was that I didn’t like to go outside. I was very negative and would not allow people I didn’t know get close to me. This in turn pushed my wife away from and started the ball rolling to where we are now.
What am I like around her? I am the old me. No matter how much I feel like #### I always have a smile on my face. Dressed very nice, clean shaven and wearing cologne (I never worn any before, but she likes it). When we were playing outside on Sunday, I made sure to speak to my old neighbors and engage them in conversation. Listen to what the W had to say and did stuff with the kids that I didn’t do before. I have been doing these 180’s since the day I moved out of the house but at first they were for her to see me, now they are for me to have fun. I have decided that I want to be the person I was regardless if it ends up with W or not.
When we are together it does feel like a play date. I am defiantly very eager and express hope that all will be fine. I know my next move needs to be able to detach but I am having a very difficult time doing that. I literally think of her and the kids every second of the day, as I am sure most in our sitch do to. Heck I even had two dreams last about all of us together! I am trying to GAL but it really has not taken my mind off of the sitch. My job performance has tanked and I am seeing a C but nothing seems to be helping.
The only book I have read is DR twice. You recommend anything else?
So this is where I am at. I feel like I am doing the right things but am having trouble taking the next steps. Thanks as always for reading and offering advice! ____________________________________ M32 W32 D7 D4 S3 M9yrs Bomb 01/12/11 Filed 01/17/11
