1) Last time we did talk about the R, the W kept asking me open ended ?'s about how I was doing "How have things been going with you when you don't have the kids"? and "Don't you think things have been better since you moved out?". I find it difficult to try and listen/validate her and not just talk myself up.
To me those questions are about the "new" dynamic and how the relationship is now. Those questions are not about your M. Those questions are about a D lifestyle.
Truth dart answers: I miss my kids and think that we can work through our issues to have a better M. Our children deserve to have an intact family.
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2) Had kids this weekend and when I took them home on sunday the kids wanted to show me stuff outside. I started playing with them and W joined in and it evolved into all of us hanging out for like a hour and a half. I have mentioned that we go out every Tuesday and have excellent time, with what happened yesterday I am wondering if I need try an initiate more family and or personal time with the W? I don't want to chase or push her and I understand that I could just be grasping at crumbs but one of our biggest problems was my interaction as a family?
My question to you would be: Is she more of a friend in this sitch? Playing with the kids. I'm thinking playdate type stuff.
So when you went over to drop the kids off, how did you look/act? She is watching you to see that these changes you are making are for real. It took time to get here it will take time to get back.
Initiating more time together falls into the category of pursuing. Make use of the time that you have together to show her the changes.
You are still holding onto the outcome/goal of. . .staying M. IMHO you need to let go of that outcome. That decision is not in your control. YOU can control YOU and YOU alone.
"I am making these changes for me and my kids. I can't make someone else choose M over D. I can only control MY actions."
When I hit that point of knowing that I would be okay either way (still had a preference) then I felt like I had more control. It only felt that way because I realized that I was trying to control her, a place where I had no control. When I let go of trying to control her actions/thoughts I had full control of MY choices.
What books have you read about R/M?
Will
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
