Sitting at home with myself.

[Navyguy]

Just got back. Things went well for the most part. She initiated some R talk, asked me how I was doing. I told her that things have been rough, but that this was a wake up call that I needed for myself.

Kept things pretty light for most of the night until....she went outside for a smoke. She was out there for awhile and then came straight back in and spent awhile in the bathroom. When she got back to our table she said she was ready to go now. I said ok, got the check and we left. On the way to the car I asked her if she was ok, and she told me that a random guy was hitting on her when she went out to smoke, and that made her sick to her stomach. She explained how it made her remember all the hurt she has been through with me and that she doesnt ever want to feel that way again. She then got really upset and started telling me about how she can't stand the pain she is causing right now, whether it be her own, or mine and the kids. Still very much in the mindset that she will be unhappy if she comes back. I just listened and validated.

Not sure what to think of the night at this point. Feels like I made progress and backslid at the same time.