Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 3

[sparks14]

I had my therapy tonight and W was bringing over our S for me to take care of tonight. Due to the timing of each, I asked my W if she would stick around for S bedtime routine. I then mentioned with her moving to her apartment on Saturday, tonight might be a good night to get an idea of she is planning to take with her from our home. (I lived in this house for 2.5 years before we married, so nearly all of our furniture is staying.) I presented it to her as the two of communicating, so there won't be any surprises. She agreed.

I think we had a great time putting our S down. We discussed certain items that she would like. Right now, she said that she just needs some basics. It also looks like everything she is taking, we have more than one of anyway. We went room to room discussing certain items. We were both very friendly to each other (which is normal nearly everyday when we are around each other).

She said that our close mutual friend has decided to help her move which I am glad for. She didn't think it was fair to ask me to help her, and I told her that I agreed and was not going to if she asked. She said that if I wanted to take our S for the day and get away, then I could. My mother is actually coming in town to stay with my sister, so that will work out just fine.

She also offered to swap out some of the furniture stored in the garage with what she is taking after our couples therapy tomorrow. She mentioned it may help me a little coming home Saturday to the emptiness and sadness. I told her that I would think about it.

We talked for a bit before she left. I reiterated that I supported her need for space during this time of self discovery. I then told her that she has a home when she is ready to come back.

My W then walked into my arms and held on tight. I fought hard to stay strong and not get emotional. She told me that I could stop acting so stoic through this. I had been trying so hard to keep my head up and confidence beaming. W obviously noticed this. She held tighter and told me that it was okay to be emotional, because this is really hard. She is not ready for it either, but she has overstayed her welcome at her brother's and is just not ready to come home. I fought back as many tears as I could, but a few got through. She said that this is horrible and she cries every night when she goes to bed. We held each other for a bit before I let go and walked away to get my composer.

I then told her that sometimes it is the ones you love the most that you have to let go. I wanted to tell her that I just hoped she finds herself back in this family, but I kept it in.

She left shortly after. No tears on her part but obvious sadness. She has been pretty good about keeping the tears locked in. I guess that is part of it.

I am trying so hard to be strong through this, but the idea of her moving out of our home tears my down deep.

For those that have been through this, tell me I am proceeding through this step the best way I can. I am having a hard time tonight.