Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

I spent so much time blaming myself, trying everything and anything to "save" this marriage, for what?
I don't want what we had.

I am with you on this one. I am starting to feel the same way. The more I think about how I was treated in the M, I am starting to see why I acted the way I did. I could've changed myself then but why would I when I have made changes throughout M and the person I was looking at has never changed one thing. This is becoming a topic that I am visiting a lot lately and beginning to think I may be wasting my time thinking this will ever work out.

Just know that I am feeling your same pain.

I don't want any misundertanding here. I love my H. deeply. He's a good person, he's kind, loveable, giving. He has a lot of sterling qualities I wish I had myself.

I don't want the M he left though.

Do I want him back.
Yes, in a different way, better, open, compassionate, forgiving, sharing, honest, fearless way.

I want my kids' Dad back in our home with the skills he either is willing to gain, learn or already possesses to help them be productive and loving fathers and husbands that don't see running away and divorce as viable solution to conflict.

That's what I want.
Will I get that. It's in God's hands. I am doing my part.