I have tried the going dark approach to some extent as well. What I have seen is that over the past month since doing this is my wife pulling back as well. I stopped calling her at work and for about a week she continued to call me. She has since stopped calling me as well. I have seen a number of posts related to going dim. I think this maybe a more reasonable approach particularily in situations like yours and mine where in the past we did not reach out to our wifes.
