This is a good statement on so many levels. In my case I sometimes battle anger. Why do I want to take her back after all this. That is my poison. However I always remember to look at myself in the mirror. This changes everything. When I can accept responsebility for my part I can forgive and understand her decision.
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Love is not a feeling it is a decision. You need to decide
Shaves: I have decided.
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If it is a decision, then what are the options?
BustinMode: You always have options. Move on or stand. They both hurt but one hurts more than the other. Guess which one.
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Loving unconditionally, is a wonderful gift that you can give to yourself and others.
It is important, to learn, and really understand, your own definition of love, before you can know if you love unconditionally or not.
It doesn't mean holding onto someone forever. Letting go, doesn't mean that you DO NOT love someone.
I have come on here, for years now, and read people. I have read words to the effect that people are waiting for the love to end, waiting for it to stop, so that they can move forward with their life. It always saddens me a bit.
Love doesn't end. It may change. It may get quiet and put in a little space all it's own in your heart and mind, but it doesn't end.
It can be replaced, with anger, hurt, and eventually hatred and bitterness, but it doesn't just go away.
Ask yourself...
When a pet or person you loved dies, does your love die?
Or do you have smiles when you think of them? Happy memories? Little good feelings in your being?
That is love. It is still there.
It is no different in these situations.
The choice we make, the choice we are faced with, is do we allow ourselves to still feel that, or do we get ourselves so worked up, so filled with the negative crap, that we let it turn into bitterness?
I know which choice I made.
To love.
It doesn't hurt me to do so.
It allows me, to accept people for who they are, faults and all...
How do you define love?
Sorry for getting all fluffy bunny...
Cat: As always thank you for coming back. You bring up a very good point about loving someone. When you reach that point that you have chosen to love uncondionally I think it is when you start to free yourself. Free yourself of expectations and free yourself of being hurt. I love my W now and forever and I can't shut that off. Time heals the pain and fades the anger but real love withstands everything.
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IDK for sure about that 2 step. What do you expect her to say? That lets get back together and work on our marriage? It seems to me that she is kind of throwing it out there and waiting for a reaction. Maybe she wants to see if you bit on this but to me it sounds like she is offering tidbits of hope to you. Whether this is on purpose or not, she may not even know.
Man 9 you are right on the money. I tell you, our expectations are our worse enemy. If we can control that we would all be in a much better place.
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Here's your next step. BE THAT MAN! Be the guy she wants you to be. I KNOW you are, dude. I KNOW you can be that guy and ARE being that guy.
She needs affirmation that you love her no matter what she looks like, no matter what she does, no matter how she acts. My W is the same. She just wants to feel that she matters. Because you and her have that history, it is UBER important to her that she matters to YOU.
Bolt: You always lift my spirits. I almost feel bad for the 2x4 I posted on your thread but I did it out of love. You know that. I learn from you all the time I sometimes I feel like she is giving me bread crumbs to follow. I just have to stop looking for the loaf and start enjoying the crumbs more. It is better than leaving me coal!
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I've been trying to keep up with your threads/sitch as there is always great advice. Keep up the good fight.
Left at the bay: Welcome my buddy it is always nice to see who is lurking and reading. I hope that my sitch has offered you some insight and helps you along the way. It will show you my mistakes and my small victories. If I can help just one person I am a happy man.
I learn from you all the time I sometimes I feel like she is giving me bread crumbs to follow. I just have to stop looking for the loaf and start enjoying the crumbs more. It is better than leaving me coal!