Anybody have any thoughts on how to balance the detachment and 180s?

I am finding this a difficult juggle right now.

I want to be cool, confident, and validate her feelings when I see her. I just don't want to over-give like I normally would due to detachment. I also want to detach from contacting her often, but I don't really want to go in the dark either yet. I have also mentioned that we have weekly couples therapy as well as a weekly R-free dinner out with the baby. Is this too much?

Me - 33 W - 33
S - 9 months
M - 3 years
T - 5.5 years
Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY
PA discovered - 1/18/11
PA began - 3/22/10
Separated