Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

After writing what I did about Random and not so Random thoughts,
having a sleepless night, and reading and responding to AntoniaB's post today, I think I'm coming to detach and not care about my M or my R with my H anymore.

I spent so much time blaming myself, trying everything and anything to "save" this marriage, for what?
I don't want what we had. I don't want to be the responsible one, the reliable one, the fixer, the doer, the organiser, the controller, the answer lady, or the Skipper of the SS Marriage.

I am captain of my own ship, my own soul that's enough.

I have no interest in a relationship that places the lion's share of the burden for emotionally maintaining it on me.

Financial independence may be difficult and will take some time but I will do it. I don't want to rely on H for a damned thing anymore. He's starting to resent me for that too.