Newbie post What to do now

[JustStunned]

When I first signed onto this board, I lurked and copied threads to review later. A lot of what I was going through was overwhelming so I copied things I thought might have meaning to digest later. I keep reading and absorbing. I have recently read again a thread titled Sermons. I cannot give credit to the poster, but I thank them for putting it up.

It has helped me accept that the fifteen year old persona that W is displaying is part of her MLC, and not a psychic break into another personality. I don’t know how to deal with it, but acceptance may make it easier. I do wonder how her support group views this persona. Possibly as a stress induced reaction? IDK and probably never will.

IMO her stated goal of owning a small place to raise the grandchildren is a return to motherhood. This was a period in our marriage when we were very happy. Especially when the children were small and we could show them the world. I never looked at how we became surrogate parents to the nieces and nephews in that light but in retrospect it makes a sort of sense.

W had huge emotional problems in 2007 when our son announced his intention to become a Marine. She blamed me for his decision. She was understandably proud watching him graduate and seemed at ease while he attending training. Very nervous during his first deployment, then angry and upset when he married without giving us an opportunity to attend.

This latest upset began during our sons Christmas leave about two days after he told his mom of his upcoming deployment. During Christmas she purchased several EPTs and asked DIL to see if she was pregnant. She told the kids of her intention to D during this time and then dropped the bomb on me, 1-1-2011.

I am attempting to put a timeline around all of this. Not in anticipation of an end point, but to help me get my head around it. I have less hope now than before, but I have placed my faith in my God to resolve this. I pray for an opportunity to work on establishing a new relationship, I love this woman. I hope she resolves her issues and decides to work on it with me someday soon, but if not I will flourish.

I am GALing, we are dark, perhaps to dark. I have detached enough that the emotional rollercoaster is less and of shorter durations. Suggestions of other things to better me and comments are welcome