When i was in a sitch somewhat similar to yours, what worked for me was focusing on a big project outside of the marriage. In my case, it was training to climb Mt. Whitney. It gave me an outlet for my energies, and something to think about that was unrelated to the marriage. It was a departure for me to tackle such a big challenge (and at the time, it actually drew my husband back to me).
Years later, when he left (we are now divorced but had several good years in between) I started playing the drums in an adult rock band class (think School of Rock for grownups). I've been playing for two years now and it is still a wonderful place to put my focus away from my day to day worries.
Think of something you have always wanted to do or learn to do, maybe something you held back from out of fear or because your husband was a restricting factor. Then do it!
