You are going to have to let go of this. You cannot control what she does. You can only control what you do. You have the same chance we all do when we come here. You have the books, the tools must be personalised to your situation. The tools work, the strategies work, do what works.
Yes it's counter intuitive, yes it's internally wrenching to do things that go against your natural proclivities.
I am sure my H is having an EA. Can I do anything about it, no absolutely not. All I can do is be MORE attractive to him than what he's settling for.
I'm the banquet, anyone else isn't going to compare as I make the changes I need to be the best me possible. I have a connection that's unbreakable, and a history with my H.
You share in this.
Be the banquet.
Thank you Scylla, you are absolutely correct. I finally got that into my head on Sunday. We had a conversation about some things and she told me she doesn't want "us" to work...She wants a fresh start. She did say she wants some type of relationship with me. I am at peace with that and will continue to DB (and do a better job then I've done up until now!).
Yesterday was a FANTASTIC day! I woke up early and took a shower. Since the bathroom is in her room, she woke up when I was done. I was all dressed up and went to curch (haven't been in years and have been meaning to). When I got home, she was still asleep. I asked her if she was ok and she said yes. So I went to the living room to take care of the dogs. She came out after about 15 minutes and sat on the couch. We talked about nothing for 30 minutes (this is one of the things I have never really done with her). She had to go get ready to leave so I ran to the store to get her daughter some meds and came home and started cleaning our blinds (I never knew they could get that dirty!). After she go ready, she asked me to put some lotion on her back (she got some pretty intensive tatto's on Valentine's day...might be a MLC). She left and I finished up.
She got home at about 8:30 last night, I was watching a taped TV show. I turned it off and opened the door for her. I told her I was washing a load of dark and asked if she needed anything washed. She gave me the jeans she was wearing and made a pile in the bathroom of some clothes. I got them, washed them and sat on the couch. She sat down in the chair and we talked again for about 30-35 minutes...about nothing! She said she was tired and moved on to the bedroom. I finished watching my show and went to bed as well.
All I want is for her to get to know the new me. She is seeing what I am doing and now we have talked. To me, that is a step in the right direction.
I didn't check her phone records at all yesterday and have no desire to today. I think I am healing and that makes me happy.
