SA, it is my grown up kids contiual rfrain 'Dad is such a victim in all of this'
I think I had a thread a while back which stated the blindingly obvious truth - 'they don't get it until they get it' In my h's case, he has flashes of insight into how awful he has been but cannot face it, and rushes back into the tunnel. I have a world class spewer [not trying to be competitive here!] who appears to forget most of what he has said, but remembers in great detail any minor criticism that anyone else utters . . . .
I think they HAVE to be the victim, partly because in the past they actually were the victim, and are acting this out, and also, if you notice the rhetoric of any agression it is always to blame the other person. Abusers always say 'You made me do it, you provoked me' Never, I sholdn't have done that. To admit abuse is a huge step forward in the recovery process. And for me, a lot of MLC is plain abuse of their family, usually emotional, but at least as damaging as if they beat us up.
