IB, I have gone through much of the same soul searching as you, having been around this block with H once before many years ago. I am coming to the conclusion that I did all I could then, at least as I understood it at the time. I now see the things I could have done better in later years, and how the earlier incidents influenced that. I am in the process of forgiving myself for not seeing more and doing better.
At the end of the day, though, regardless of what we did or didn't do, our Hs have made decisions by and for themselves, with little regard for us or their families. I CHOOSE to believe that this is because my H is in a crisis, because believing that helps me to be compassionate and forgiving, and not take things personally. It helps me to interact with him without anger or resentment. That is good for me and good for my children.
You've done the work you needed to do at the time. When more is needed, you'll know it, and you'll do it. You're doing so well, IB! Keep going...
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
