Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

Not so optimistic today. Been feeling off all weekend. Reading about other people's situations have not helped. Seems hopeless.
H. told some members of my family he has no intention of every returning.
I feel like giving up. Who is this person? Did I really ever know him? My female freinds invest more into our friendship than my H. ever invested in our marriage or in me. I believe I never really asked for too much in our R, and now I just feel cheated and used.
Yes I know I made those choices - the feeling remains.

I am tired of this. 17 months apart and I feel I am treated like an inconvienence, an intrusion. My infrequent and necessary communications a nuisance. My position as our kids mother a fact he wants to erase. My existance something he wants to have as a dim and distant unpleasant flicker of memory, quickly suppressed.

Today I wonder why I just don't start and complete divorce proceedings and be unshackled to this man who finds me so odious, he can only talk about the superficial. So awful he would rather be anywhere but in our home.