Does the WAS cycle like a MLC? Aspects of my sitch are like W is in a MLC, but she lacks the gotta be young and alone again aspect. I don’t expect any of this is written in stone, but does this make sense?
W wants to jump to being the grandparent/care giver of the grandchildren? There are no grandchildren yet. She is pressuring the kids and wants them to move in with her so she can care for them and the grandchildren when they are born. She is rushing the D so she can afford a small place to do this in. She is cashing out the last 29 yrs to gain this vision of life. There are insufficient funds to make this happen, but in her delusions of now she does not see it. She continues to believe we will all be friends and share family holidays together. We will vacation together for the grandchildren even after we have established new relationships with other people. That eventually we will see her wisdom and agree her decisions are best.
Arrrgh there is so much of this that is not based in reality. These posts are small. I could write a book.
Last night my D came by after work. She wanted to discuss her dinner with W. She is concerned W has returned to the angry blame him for all slights and problems state she was in 3 months ago. W wanted to discuss it, and D said she had to tell her firmly no I will not talk about this several times. Per my D, W was behaving like the angry rebellious 15 yr old again, and tried to give her money. I guess W is trying to recruit D to her side of this equation. DIL is firmly there. I hope to keep as much of this drama from our S as possible. He must remain firmly focused on his situational awareness when he deploys.
I know there are no right, or wrong sides here. My D is affected by this sitch and I am trying to be supportive. It is hugely tempting to lash out verbally and vilify W during these discussions. I have with some success kept from going there. I am only human and last night I had to stop myself several times. I tried to tell D that W making me the bad guy and vilifying me in front of family is normal for a WAS and should be expected. D and I agreed this discussion was not healthy for either of us and spoke about other things, like school, her plans for the future. I am very proud of her.
I am so fraking frustrated with all this. I still love W and want to make it out of this drama with the M intact working on building a new relationship. I thought I had made good progress to the goal of dialing down the drama and tension so we could at least have a friendly conv about mundane things, but with the anger W expressed during dinner with D that all seems to have been a pipe dream.
I know I am cycling through the stages of grief again. So the WAS must also cycle. I am trying to use the stage of MLC to grasp and make some sense of this.
Does the WAS ever come back to reality, or have they repeated their fantasy so many time it becomes reality?
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
