I am with Snodderly on this one. It is normal to be angry, and sometimes we have to let them know. The fact is, during the divorce process, they can no longer 'punish' us, and their anger can then turn to anyone and anything connected with us. And, as I said, he sees your daughter not wanting to meet OW as a rejection A normal person takes their time introducing anyone new into the lives of their children, but the MLCer tends to push the OW into the faces of anyone who will meet them, as a rule.
I have occasionally lost it with my xh, and usually I haven't regretted it. While it is generally a good idea to let as much as we can go by, it isn't always weakness to be angry. I am surprised at how much my h took on board when I was really cross.
IMO there is a world of difference between telling someone directly, as you did, and doing it through an innnocent third party as your h did. Inexcusable, and damaging to him and your daughter. If we can no longer stand up for our children it is a sad world. Hugs
