Afraid of change

[williaij]

HS,

My biggest contribution to the failure of our M was my quick temper with the kids and her when stressful situations arose. So my main 180 has been to identify the reasons for my actions and get rid of them. That has been fantastic, my relationship with my kids has never been better. So why do I still feel empty inside?

Step back in time. . . How long was your family walking on eggshells waiting for the next angry outburst? I am glad that you too have found (I am still having issues with this myself) a path that allows you to enjoy your children.

Empty. . . Because you understand all of the things that you have done in the past to find yourself here. You are also willing and have changed you for the better. AND
This is just my opinion based on my experience: Your wife has been trying to get you to see this for quite some time. Her being done is a process that has been going on for a while. She has reached the end of that journey in her eyes. She is done.

This was the dynamic in my M. W was trying to show, tell, beg, anything to let me see how the M wasn't working for her. I thought we had issues but nothing that big. I was wrong.

I was in a Catch 22, I would not have bettered myself if I stayed in the house but since I moved out the chance or opportunity for me to go back home dramatically dropped. How will she see that I can handle the everyday antics of being a family man if I am not in the picture everyday?

I think I can see where you are coming from with this. The time apart allowed you to focus on you and your half of the M breakdown. See where you needed to change and have done so.

For her she nows feels safe and is no longer walking on eggshells. Time is what it will take for her toe SEE your changes. Your kids will talk about what they did with you. I would not encourage them to provide information to you W. She will be able to piece that together from what information they share during your visits with them.

I also have to add that trying to let go of the outcome of your sitch would allow this to be a little easier. Focus your energies on what you control. YOU

I also wanted to add a disclaimer:
I have not read all of you previous posts. I am working on the assumption that there is no other man involve. That you W has walked away. The advice would be different if that was the case, from me at least.

Will