SA It is horrible when this happens to our kids - and clear proof that there is something very very wrong with our spouses. My h did this for years. My children sent me some of the emails he sent them because they couldn't deal with it alone . . . . There is huge anger coming from within, and terror that they have done something unacceptable [they have].
Another frightening aspect is that it is very possible that your h will have no memory of the spew . . . . I asked my h about one of his email spews to his middle son, in relation to something we were discussing [he had a moment of clarity a while back] and he had absolutely no memory of it at all.
It is so very hard for these children who have done nothing wrong, and are treated so horribly, so unfairly, by the person they grew up loving and trusting.
You see, our h's haven't gone through any kind of detachment process - they threw us off and attached themselves firmly to OW. She is now a part of them, I believe, in their muddled mind, so by rejecting OW your d was rejecting him. It isn't a normal relationship, it is one of deep neediness. I do not say this to excuse, rather to try and explain his anger . . at least that is how I have come to understand it. That is also why separating from OW and truly getting over that r is an essential part of their 'recovery' process. Otherwise, if they return FROM OW we risk becoming the person they 'need' and the chance of an adult relationship may be forfeited.
