I updated my profile after the fallout with the guy I liked... I put there that unless the guy is able or plans to relocate I'm not into long distance relationships... and that I'm not having any more kids (I have 2 and that's all I ever wanted and I do NOT see myself dealing with breastfeeding and diapers again)... and now I barely get any emails or 'winks'...lol, I scared them all off!! but honestly, why would a guy across the US be chatting and emailing me, I'm not getting on a plane for anyone, don't know how others do it, carrying on for months and months... not for me... if I got no one so be it, I'm not moving and no more prego for me.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat - maybe the way you wrote it scared some people off. Is there a way of phrasing it so it sounds "light"? Like Ï have 2 kids that I adore but enjoy watching them become more independent so I have time to enjoy adult time too. (not sure if that totally gets the point across but it could)
and just put - "looking for someone close to home".
Did you know there are people you can hire to write your profile? I listened to Evan Mark Katz talk about his online dating "coaching" class and books. Geez...but I did change my profile. He said each line should be a "hook" that would interest different types of men. You need to make sure your profile is fun, playful, sexy, light...
Men need to feel "good" about themselves when they read it. I know, sounds weird, but that's what he said. I'll see what happens in the next few days.
Also, be SLOW to give out your phone number ladies! Make the men court you. There is a guy I just started corresponding with yesterday and when he asked me to call him or for my number, I declined. I asked him some fun questions and he responded with incredible answers. If you ask the right questions you can find out a lot about personality without it being like a job interview. Then, he asked me some really fun and introspective questions. I'm really liking getting to know someone this way. I did send my answers to his personal email; he said to eliminate spam. I was okay with that compromise.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I always went with "light and cheerful"- full of positive energy. Dating is supposed to be FUN, right?
I agree with you about not giving out your number too soon. I conversed with prospective dates by email or chat for a while then when they asked me for my number - I made the first phone call while blocking my number. You can tell a lot when you speak to someone on the phone. Only after a couple of such calls did I give out my number - when I felt comfortable and sometimes not until after we had met.
When I went on a first "coffee" date - I did not park right in front of the establishment. I did not want them to see my car, my licence plate or to be able to follow me if possible.
And here's a tip for the guys about their profiles.
I'm always astounded at guys who will post TRULY AWFUL pictures of themselves. I mean grumpy, scowling, unflattering photos of guys that I KNOW could look better.
Recently I happened to see the photos of four guys that I find appealing, all right next to each other, and noticed that their photos are very similar. Close-up facial shots, face straight forward or slightly angled but eyes looking directly into the camera, 3 of the four have a smile (the fourth looks seriously thoughtful). Only one of the four photos is outdoors (that's the best one though) but none of them are obvious "Here's me in my bedroom taking my photo on the webcam" shots. And none of them are "I took my photo of myself in the bathroom mirror" shots.
Spend a little effort to get a flattering photo up there, guys. It shouldn't be misleading, but should show you in a good light.
So this one is puzzling. Some guy on Match writes to me, so I ask him to write me a little more about himself. He says he's half Spanish half English, lived in Spain as a kid then London since age 12, U.S. the last 20 years. Says in his profile that he speaks with a Spanish accent but doesn't actually speak Spanish.
Anyway - his English is kinda garbled. Wouldn't you think a guy in his 40's who had lived in English speaking countries since the age of 12 and had one parent who was a native English speaker, would have a better command of the language by now??? His writing really sounds like someone who doesn't speak English that well.
Note: I don't have anything against non-English speakers, and I think an accent is kinda sexy. It's just that it doesn't add up for me in this instance - makes me wonder if his story is true or not.
Kml: I wonder if he is trying to move to the U.S. - I would avoid that one like the plague. My rule of thumb - if something doesn't seem true - it probably isn't.
So many people on the dating sites just waste your time and energy. Íts like trying to find a new pet. Takes a lot of research but eventually you find the right one.
