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[grr]

"
The biggest 180 though... I acted very, very happy every time that I spoke with her or saw her. This was big for me, bc one of my problems before she left was that I was depressed. It is not fun being around someone who is always depressed... I reversed this completely. W told me the other night that she sees my changes, but the biggest change that she sees is the 'energy' that I project now. "

denver you couldn't have slapped me any harder if you had been next to me!

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver, I want to personally thank you for your post. I came here today in the dumps and you have, once again, lifted me from the darkness. You are right, TIME and PATIENCE!!! Can I stomach it? I don't know. But, I have to ask myself:

1) Do you want to give up now?
2) Do you have what it takes to see this through?
3) How do you want this to end?

If I quit now, I will never know the answers to any of these questions. I have to continue to remind myself that she still loves me whether she shows it or not.

Thank you! Thank you!

I am going to recommend "Lt. Denver" to the headquarters of BITS Central Command for his valor in the face of depression and anxiety. You have fought well and have earned this award!

BITS never walk alone!!!

FOBD

[Denver_2010]

Denver:

This is very well written for all those just starting out almost like an instruction manual.

Folks read it and re read it.

Thanks 2Step... I have used DB principles with my strategy throughout my ordeal. And had a session with a DB coach that helped me focus that strategy.

I had to focus very hard, swallow a lot of pride, and endure a lot of pain, in order to stay faithful to my strategy.

The struggle is not over for me... but I have made a lot of progress.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Oh......Denver! You the man, sweetie!

Thanks Sandi... and thank you for setting me straight on some very important things early on. That advice has paid off in a big way. I'm talking about your thoughts on my OW friends... and the woman's perspective that you gave me. I had never understood that before you and some others knocked me in the head with it. I am truly grateful.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

also be on the look out for sincerity.

Yes. Yes.

AND

YES.

I will follow this advice... but I know my W... she won't join me in fighting for our M unless she is completely sincere about it.

I think that is what she is making sure of right now...

Bottom line... PATIENCE AND TIME

Question is... can you stomach it?

Only you can decide.

f@cking A Denver!

F@CKING A.

You're getting it.

IT IS ALL YOU.

BTW stole that ^^^^ from Jack...

When he said it to me many months ago.

You are getting it my friend.

Keep steppin. [/quote]

It is the most important advice that anyone coming to this board for the first time should take note of. No question about it.

I'm happy to steal anything that either you or Jack have said... and I hope that someday, someone will steal it from me.

Thanks Truegritter! I appreciate the props!

I'm not where I want to be... Yet...

And I know that I will NEVER be at the finish line...

I am a work in progress... as is my M...

I know now that this will always be the case.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Update...

It has been a while since I have updated. I haven't mainly bc things have been pretty static for the past week.

My W seemed to be leaning very strongly towards reconciliation on Vday... talking about MC and having conversation with OM that would end any and all R with him... then her grandmother passed away.

My W and I spent hours together for 7 straight days after that. I was very careful not to bring up R, M, or OM during that time.

W did bring it up one night when she and I went out for drinks. She expressed reservation about reconciliation during this conversation. BOTTOM LINE... she is scared to risk her heart with me again. I understand this... and I validated her fears.

W also told me that she has seen my changes... that I do not seem like the Denver that she knows at all... she is impressed. The biggest change that she notices is with the 'energy' that I am projecting. This gives her reason to think that M may be worth taking a shot on.

But... she is in no place to make any rash decisions now with everything going on with her family... planning 2 funerals for her grandma.. 1 here and 1 in Buffalo.. and being there for her mother.

I understand this... and validate it whenever it is brought up.

She passive aggressively inited me to go to Buffalo with her and her family. I accepted and am flying out with BIL the day after the girls fly out. My W did bring up the sleeping arrangements... and I will be sleeping separately from my W...

This disappointed me... but I did not tell W so. I acted 'as if' that was perfectly fine with me... I do not want to pressure her in any way.

The trip to Buffalo is next week. I will be with W and her family for 4 days. I plan to DB my butt off during that time... so that I can show my W that she can trust me... and can take the risk on me.

The past week has been spotty for me. I struggle with being patient every single day. I have no security with the situation.... and I realize that I have placed my heart out on the table... again... for her to possibly destroy.... again.

We do have contact every day... mostly it is still W contacting me...

I was very, very disappointed on Tuesday when W told me that OM had babysat my SS. He had been suspended from school. She works, I work, MIL works, FIL was unable to baby sit him... she told me that OM had called her and offered...

OM is lingering... subtly trying to stay in the picture...

I won't lie... I hate him with a passion... I view him as a vulture with a very broken moral compass. But I do not say this to my W.

I did tell her that I was disappointed.... This was a mistake on my part. It opened R talk... again W expressed her fear of working on 'us'... on taking risk on me again.

I believe that OM is a fallback... W is afraid of being alone... I admit that I am somewhat embarrassed for W for feeling like this ... that she is afraid to be alone... but she is broken too. And I understand.

Two days after OM babysat SS... W texted me while she and SS were eating dinner out at restaurant... she asked me if I wanted to drop by and visit with them. I did... we ate ... and then took SS for ice cream...

This was an 'up' for the week... but I am still on a roller coaster...

I do not know what each day will carry with it... and it is hard.

Emotionally exhausting...

I am still in a good place... I believe that.... but I realize that my struggle is NOT over... I have not conquered the demons that brought down my M... not yet.

I am tired... I admit it...

This does not get any easier... I am sorry to say... it only becomes different.

BITS
Denver

[sparks14]

Denver, I have been having a really tough day today. Once of those days where you think that your W is just playing you for a fool. I just read your post, and it settled me a bit.

Thank you for that.

[Truegritter]

Denver

There is so much up there ^^^ that I could quote. That is achievement for you.

I am so ...

Proud is not the word. Because that assumes a position of I am watching a person who is not a peer.

That is not how it is.

But I am proud of what you have achieved. Proud for YOU.

When I came here the people who posted to me I held in such high regard for their wisdom.

It is something to aspire to.

EVERYONE has the ability to reach their goal.

Everyone here.

It may seem like you are standing on the shoulders of giants

We have only walked the road ahead of you.

This is a special place for that very reason.

You are crossing over my friend. I hear it in your voice.

You got this.

No time to rest on your laurels cause this process never ends until they throw clay on top of you.

Don't take her temperature. Just stop that. No matter how disapointed you are.

Have faith in yourself.

She has to come towards you, so let her. ok?

In HER time.

Just think if you do save your M you have the rest of your life with her so take your own advice...

Be patient.

It now is ALL YOU. <------- I have said this before but now you understand what it means.

[lostinscared]

Denver,

Oh my goodness!!!! You're doing so awesome. I can't even believe the change in you over the last week. You are definitely calming down!!

I know that it is a bit tough. You and I are kind of trying to make our way through this and it is no picnic. But keep your eye on the goal. You know why? YOU are so worth it.

I'm praying for you.

LIS

[Bolt]

DUDE!
That is so awesome man. Not just what you are doing but what you are PLANNING to do. Love the attitude. Carrying forth the plan will be hard for sure but with that correct attitude, you can do it.

and I know you know it already but don't have any expectations for the trip. ACTUALLY, DO! Have expectations that you are going to be there for your W. Support her and make things as easy as possible for her. Be her rock, her support, her shelter.

That will pay back later for sure.