Let Us Be Outstanding Together.

[Busting Mode]

Well,

I never quite made it to bed and immediately after I said I was going to stop and think before taking any kind of further action I went ahead and answered her facebook message anyway.

No worries though. I am managing very well.

Cultivating a sense of presence, relaxation, flow.

Just found this on Scylla's thread and feel it is divine:

If you break it down and are able to categorize the type of rejection it is, it becomes easier to handle.
It all hurts but

1)...it's not a big deal. It's not true and once that person knows me better they'll know I'm not that way.

2) ...it's not a big deal. It's not true, and that person is very negative and nothing I do or say will change their mind.

3)...it is true, and it is a flaw I have, but I'm working to change that the best I can, and on balance I have more strengths than weaknesses.

Ugly but divine. What's true is that for the four years we were together we did not really fit or work well together in many different ways.

What's also true is that I failed to pay more close attention, I failed to really be appreciative, and I failed to give her the specific flavors of passion and intensity I knew that she desired, and I failed to meet and fully understand her needs on many different levels.

Her rejection of me and our marriage vows shines a light on my insecurities as a man. The fact that I am so concerned about another man being able to fulfill her in ways that I cannot...

It just magnifies my feelings of inadequacy and a lack of confidence and self-respect. It masquerades a co-dependency better off revealed and set aside.

I am confident that sometime in the future she and I will want and give ourselves a chance to make love and come together again for real.

I will no longer live for that day, but I will believe it is going to happen and so will continue to prepare myself for having an awesome life together, after that day arrives.

I once told her the magic words were "Michael I'm coming."

For whatever reason, we have been having a nearly impossible time getting there together.

Only one missionary style orgasm for her in four years was totally unacceptable to us both, and yet we settled for other ways around it instead of dealing with it directly.

Now she has said "Michael I'm going."

The truth is it was a little bit of both of us and it's just healthy for me to take or put it all on myself. I am actually happy she rejected the unhappiness we had in that area, and the uncertainty it caused in many other areas as well.

I have learned a lot, and she is still the most amazing woman that I have ever been with. Where it goes from here "Only time will tell."

The very same thing she has been telling me over and over again that I have been rejecting.