So, today/this morning I woke up dreaming of H. Today is his Birthday. We now have not had together; Christmas, New Years, Wedding Ann., Valentines and now a Birthday. I lay here awhile thinking of him and recalling years past. Birthday's are a real big deal to me. So, I always tried to make them grand! I use to wake him up sometimes at Midnight to tell him and etc.
Anyways, knowing he'd be up. (he works nights) I sent him a "Happy Birthday" text. He didnt answer..I thought no big deal maybe he took the day off, is out of town or sleeping.
So, I got on FB and went to his page. He took the comments option off. (why?) No matter I thought, I left him a Happy Birthday under a pic of the dog.
I then went to my FB news feed. I saw where my BIL and SIL were now friends w/H on FB.?? But, it was a NEW FB PAGE he had created. I clicked on it and he doesnt have his pic nor anywhere to friend him. He then went to his Sis page and left her a msg about floating the river w/her this summer.
I am DEVASTED....I have not cryed like this in weeks...What does this mean???? Why would he do that???? Clearly he is really done and wanted to end the last connection we had...Face Book. He has moved on....
I feel hopeless....I am crushed...I have to face it, he does not love me nor does he want me. He wants nothing to do with me. Period.
Last week after he cancelled the dinner that he asked me too. I knew in my heart that he was done...something happened that changed his mind. But, 24 hours later after calling to cancel. He texted he missed me. It was the first time in so long....it gave me hope that we was still lost but, that he still had some feelings for me. However, he said he'd call me to reschedule...I never heard from him again. That was a week ago.
I want with every ounce of my soul to R w/my H. But, I have to face that he is NEVER coming back for me. He is NEVER going to show up one day to tell me he was wrong. He is NEVER going to love me again.
Im praying for GOD to give me strength...
BITS
Dixie
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
