I kind of hear what what your are saying on this, but at the same time I don't. If that makes sense? LOL
If the "other" is in some type of life crisis, then you can't expect much from them at all. In other words, if you expect logic, then your expectations are too high.
As far as you being willing to work on your half of the problems YOU created, well that's where YOUR problem ends. Until they reach a point of clarity and look within to their issues, you really can't go beyond that.
As far as blame goes. Well, forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. What have you done differently for your 50% of the "shared" problem? You can work on you and fix you and pray for the other, but if you can't forgive, then it comes down to tick for tack and keeping score.
Yes, you get to the point where you feel secure that you have done everything YOU can, but if you resent them for their lack of work...then why did you work on yourself in the first place? Afterall, you came here to help you ultimately...whether to save the marriage first, then yourself right? I'm not saying this is what you are doing...I'm just adding my thoughts.
Again, I'm not really sure what you are saying/asking, but I'm going with my thoughts on what I THINK you are saying.
