Right now my heart hurts so much it feels like it is not even strong enough to send enough oxygen to my brain to answer that question, so maybe you can help.
I repeat. If Love is a decision, then what exactly am I deciding, or what is that I am choosing between?
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
To love unconditionally without reservation or not to love unconditionally without reservation, that is the question.
Whether it is easier to forget and move on, rather than hold on. Whether to grow in understanding and compassion, or stagnate and become bitter. Whether to build walls or bridges. To be yielding or hardened.
I know what i have chosen Busting.
Will you choose the same?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I choose to love unconditionally without reservation. I choose acceptance, elimination, moving on. I choose growth in compassion and understanding. I choose to build bridges. To be yeilding...
Well I have already chosen to live in harmony with God and Nature, and so of course I can yield there.
Looks like Costa Rica is becoming the next place I'm gonna visit. See how it feels to live by myself in harmony with God and Nature there in the winters, and in Canada for the summers.
Goodbye Wife.
Wishing you the very best and knowing you deserve it.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Geez man, wish I was going with you to Costa Rica. It's freakin cold here in the Great White North. I hope your wife realises at some point her own worth and yours too. Best wishes friend.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Loving unconditionally, is a wonderful gift that you can give to yourself and others.
It is important, to learn, and really understand, your own definition of love, before you can know if you love unconditionally or not.
It doesn't mean holding onto someone forever. Letting go, doesn't mean that you DO NOT love someone.
I have come on here, for years now, and read people. I have read words to the effect that people are waiting for the love to end, waiting for it to stop, so that they can move forward with their life. It always saddens me a bit.
Love doesn't end. It may change. It may get quiet and put in a little space all it's own in your heart and mind, but it doesn't end.
It can be replaced, with anger, hurt, and eventually hatred and bitterness, but it doesn't just go away.
Ask yourself...
When a pet or person you loved dies, does your love die?
Or do you have smiles when you think of them? Happy memories? Little good feelings in your being?
That is love. It is still there.
It is no different in these situations.
The choice we make, the choice we are faced with, is do we allow ourselves to still feel that, or do we get ourselves so worked up, so filled with the negative crap, that we let it turn into bitterness?
I know which choice I made.
To love.
It doesn't hurt me to do so.
It allows me, to accept people for who they are, faults and all...
How do you define love?
Sorry for getting all fluffy bunny...
It's early
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
A little story told to me just last night by from friend CD Bear.
Look up his threads if you care to.
You are standing on one side of the street
Your W and child have started to cross the street
You see a bus coming that they do not see
What do you do?
1) Nothing-and they are killed 2) Try and save them but there isn't time to save all of you and you all die 3) Shove them out of the path of the bus and you are killed
Sacrifice yourself for the sake of others?
What a selfless thing to do right?
Sacrifice.
Selfless?
Think about it.
It was SELFISH to do the last thing.
Why?
Because you are aware of everything and know who you are.
That person knows that there is no other choice because to choose something different
To watch your family die while standing on the curb
To know in the instant that you can't save them any other way than to push them out of harms way.
There is no other choice for YOU.
My point?
When you understand what love means to you it is not a sacrifice living it.
Love gives away.
It does not measure itself by pain and sacrifice.
It is not defined by sacrifice
Cat said it beautifully.
It is part of you and always stays with you.
I am a cute little baby bunny this morning.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
For months now I have been trying to understand, label, define, categorize, assess where the heck my wife was at.
This morning, the day she has sent the divorce papers for my signature, I realize that I have been making the mistake of trying to understand emotion with logic.
I remember now, that sometimes "the heart has reasons which reason alone cannot understand."
My wife's current behavior defies any kind of logic, outside of what she is currently feeling within herself.
To me that's what Love is. Right now I feel for my wife in ways I can't possibly label or define, but I know am feeling her all the same.
And feeling that Love inside of me, it is easier to let her go wherever she wants to go, and to leave her be wherever she wants to be.
In one way or another, for several months now I have been asking her to explain herself, but now I know that no explanation is really necessary.
I know I love her, and I know I love myself unconditionally.
Asking me to define Love is the same as asking me to define God.
Nobody can contain the limits of It. We can only dwell in It as we choose.
Right now I am choosing the possibility of being fully present every waking moment.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Hey guys I appreciate your feedback very much and I promise to respond to everyone. Gritter and Cat your insight is always valued. I am out of town today and will return tomorrow but i wanted to post two convo's with W before I forget them. I like to post while they are fresh and one happened last night and the other a few hours ago and I feel if I wait till tomorrow I will lose a lot of important info. So here it goes
Last night I was emailing a friend back and forth about my sitch. At one point I told him I would email him my W email to me before she left and my response to her.
I found it in my sent folder and forwarded it to him. Only I did not sent it to him I sent it to W by mistake. A total mechanical thing I just typed her email address and hit sent ( I guess I should detach better)
Immediately I began to panic and texted some close friends that are familiar with my sitch. They calmed me down quite a bit and I realized it was not that serious.
About 2 hours later I get the following text from W
W "Hi....Why the email?"
M "LOL sorry I did NOT mean to send that I promise!"
W "Who were u sending it too?"
M "Jody....." (my db couch)
W "hmmmmm so what does she say"
M "Oh I don't know I sent it to you instead LOL! I went ahead and sent it to her again"
W "I guess I believe U. I see how u could have gotten confused "J" and "A" are close together on the keyboard...Although W looks nothing like Jody"
W "U gonna be up awhile?"
M "LOL it was mechanical u just got in my head. Did u get the checks? yes I am always up"
W "LOL...Yes I got the checks thank you...gonna jump in the shower I will call u after"
M "ok"
The checks we are referring to is an a copy of IRS checks I sent and I forward her the email confirmation. I did not sent her actual checks.
About 45 minutes later she called
W "Sorry sister called. What are u doing?"
M "thats ok. not much"
W "So you made a mistake on the email"
M "yeah I figured you would call after getting that. sorry I did not mean to send that."
W "thats ok"
we talked a few more minutes about 5 in total. Not much there
