Put our son to sleep and realized as we were singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' that this is the last time we'll possibly be singing together as a family. Bedtimes with me, mom and our son has always been one of my (not sure about my wife at this point) favorite "traditions" of the day. Tonight was the last time, at least under this old marriage.
Then as we left the room I asked about Bella our dog. I wanted to talk to her about a schedule for her too, but my wife had the assumption that since it's her dog (she got Bella as her support dog for my crap during the early years of our marriage) she was going to keep her. I said Bella is our family dog and I would like to see her too, though less rigid of a schedule. I said she is also family to me. My wife found that kind of funny.
Anyway, I can't wait for this to pass. I hope I don't get a nightmare like I did last night. It was a highly-charged dream where my wife was purposefully having heavy sex with another guy right in front of me, while looking at me saying: "How do YOU like this now? I am."
As our son falls asleep, I just hope and pray that this time apart will give us the space needed to open both our hearts to healing and grace. I miss my wife's singing already. I never wanted this for my son.
