I am neither female, nor am I going to give you the answers you are looking for. Sorry for that, but I am really trying to get you to understand what you must do. I keep being hard on you, because each time you post back, it shows that you are not yet ready to receive the message.
Take heart though, you are progressing. Getting a job is huge and possibly the most important step right now, but once that is out of the way there is much more to be done.
In response to your questions....
1. One of the big problems you face is that you are way too focused on your W, and not on yourself. Your first question highlights this greatly. Stop trying to analyze her. Stop trying to figure her out. The reason you are not getting a response to this question is because you are barking up the wrong tree.
2. You are not pushing her away to see other men, as much as she has just lost attraction to you and is seeking to fill that void. You can't reverse this using words. Explaining to her just sounds like excuses to her ears. In fact, the less you say to her the better. The only way you will be able to convince her is BECOME. By become, I mean evolve into a new man, different to the one she knew. How successful you can be at this will depend on how open you are willing to be to the process, and if you are capable of truly listening, instead of filtering everything you receive through your current disfunctional perspective. By disfunctional I do not mean that you are not acceptable the way you are, I just mean disfunctional in the sense that your current perspective is not acceptable to your W.
Do not give up. Keep working on yourself.
I appreciate the 2x4s, Mike! Clearly, I'm still drawn back into missing my wife. It doesn't happen all the time, but it does more than I like it to. And when I do, I get jealous, sad, or depressed. As my wife packs to move tomorrow, I feel like the REAL fight has only just begun. Now I have to shine my light brighter than I have needed to before. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."
One of the biggest challenges for me is patience. I want to know what's going to happen, or if it's going to happen or not. I think that's part of why I asked the first question. I know us DBers will say keep fighting no matter what caused your marital failure. Some of the porn recovery folks (at least the spouses of addicts) will say absolutely no hope. Just different philosophies.
