W: I realize that you were going to get hurt when I told you I was unhappy and wanted to move one. I never meant to hurt you anymore. M: Yes. W: I hid things from you and lied to you thinking that I was protecting your feelings, but I made things worse. You know that I have never lied to you before this and I feel really bad that I hurt you more. I’m sorry that I lied to you. M: Wow, I appreciate more than you know that you are admitting your mistakes and taking responsibility for them. We are all human and we all make mistakes. The things that you did were very hurtful, but you know what? It might be hard to forget, but (looking her into her eyes) I forgive you.
Why isn't anyone talking about the elephant in the room?
Let me give an example:
W:I realize that you were going to get hurt when I told you I was unhappy and wanted to move one. I never meant to hurt you anymore.
You: Telling me me you were unhappy is NOT what hurt me! The A with OM, breaking apart our family, and the lies to cover up what you were doing is what hurt me!
W:I hid things from you and lied to you thinking that I was protecting your feelings, but I made things worse. You know that I have never lied to you before this and I feel really bad that I hurt you more. I’m sorry that I lied to you.
You: Well, affairs tend to cause married people to lie and hide things from the S.
So, were you forgiving her for the affair when you looked right into her eyes? Maybe it's just me, but I would place the A a bit more important than the lies, b/c if it hadn't been the first....the second wouldn't have been necessary.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
