Might be in danger of projecting and expecting here, but I'll just call it preparation for when the divorce papers arrive.
Can't be sure how I'll feel or what I'm going to do when the papers get here, but there are two things I'm going to jot down here and remember.
1. I am not going to sign anything until I am certain she fully understands my position and the consequences as far as I can see them. I will make sure I present that in a clear, strong, loving and respectful way, before easily and confidently (at least that is how I want it to appear) returning the signed documents and leaving the fate of our marriage in her hands.
2. I know I would never forgive myself if I did not make sure she had fully heard and understood EVERYTHING I had to say, before we shut the door.
Somehow I still feel a need to tell that after 4 years of trying to get what we both want, she is now giving up just two inches from the gold.
Again, when I am in my right mind all of this is speculation and merely mental intrigue - who knows how I'll feel when the papers actually arrive - but I want to be prepared and talking through this in advance certainly seems to help.
If nothing else, it is helping me accept that right now she is still determined to go through with it. Right now I have no real evidence that anything is changed, so I am bowing before God and being totally receptive and accepting of whatever happens next.
Ok. I'll admit it. Sometimes I'm just talking to make myself feel better.
Nothin' wrong with that!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
