Wife of 6-years wants a divorce - pt 3

[Queen_of_Swords]

Thanks so much Wanda!

I have a couple of serious questions that have been niggin' at my mind, which I would like input on, especially from the ladies and spouses in this forum:

1. Regarding what my wife said during our last big conversation (posted 2/23) that she has become apathetic towards me. She said that during her introspection earlier in our separation (maybe even before that), she realized that she doesn't feel hurt or bad envisioning me dating or being with another woman. She said she didn't care anymore. My question is: From a woman's perspective, once your mind is apathetic like my wife is, does that mean a complete emotional disconnect and that it's irreversible? Or is it part of a defensive wall?

Well alamo, I can tell you I feel the same about my H. It is not that I don't love him. I just don't own him or his choices. I can't stop him from from having sex with someone else, but I won't feel badly if he does either. I guess it's detachment and realisation it's not in my hands; he long ago broke any loyalty and fidelity he once felt to me.


2. Speaking in terms of the DB rule of not pushing your spouse away, I sense that I may be driving my wife to show increased interest in other men (your hunch was right, Mike) merely due to the hope and stance I've frequently stated to her. My theory is that because my wife feels like I'm not letting go, it's pushing her away and increasing her need to find someone else. I've tried explaining to her that it's about a new respect and understanding of my marriage vows with or without her, etc. It's not about possessiveness. What do you think?

Don't know. In my case, his lack of concern about our M, refusal to talk about anything but the superficial, and having said " I'm done" influence my thinking. On the days that I believe he meant ( and was deadly serious in meaning ) it, I'm apt to think; why shouldn't I pursue something fulfilling with another man.


I don't know if this helps you or not alamo.