Rolling with the punches

[♪CS♪]

Great post spellfire, agree with every bit of it, some great lines in there to use for any of us when the opportunity presents itself.

[Redo]

I think it has been more than a day since i kept up with the forum. Not much of an update. Picked up my parents from the airport yesterday. It was good and bad feeling. Good seeing them. Bad that they were visiting me in such a time. I wish they had visited me when things were going good. Knowing that all this mess started with them visiting us is also causing some distress. On Wednesday i talked with my daughter. It was great!. Later W and I talked for couple of minutes. again some more details of the divorce. We seem to have finally reached an amicable decision on the asset splitting.

W was talking about daughter joining a kindergarten end of march. Usually before kids go off to school, we have a little ceremony. W said that they were planning it on march 6th. Though she did not directly invite, i believe it was implicit. Anyway, i am going. I need to be there as i am her dad. I am just stressed about how things are gonna pan out there. I thought that i should talk to my in-laws. But till now they have initiated no contact. i am not sure if they even would like to talk to me. For this ceremony W and I are supposed to sit together with our daughter in between us. I dunno what W would say about this. One part of me feels like this day should be over. Other part is looking forward to analyze her, the situation and see what my next steps should be. Its a chance to meet her. But i am stressed.

any idea on how i should behave there??

Thanks!

[spellfire]

Just play it cool, and make it all about your D. The less you say to your W the better. Act "as if" you are happy and upbeat.

[Redo]

Thanks Mike. Yup, will have to act "as if" and keep up my spirits.

[2stepboogie]

looking forward to analyze her

Don't spend to much time on this. I know it is hard to do. You will read to much into a gesture a word a look. It will throw you off. Just be there and be happy to be. This is a good chance for you. Don't waste it on playing Dr. Phil

But i am stressed.

Deep breathes and relax. Your wife does not define your being. Be YOU and all else will follow

[Redo]

Been a real down day today. Decided to work from home today. W called up this morning just to tell me some info about bank and tell me that she'll be taking her name off the accounts tomorrow.

I felt horrible. I dont want her to do that. I dont want her to take her name off our stuff. I love my wife. I think i am losing it today. Dont know why. I guess it is because my parents are here and now i am telling them about my feelings and i am breaking down.

I dont know. W is just so far ahead of me in this detachment. She once said that 'she's dead inside for me'. I just recalled it today. Not sure if she really feels that way. I am trying to work on my self to be strong, but there are certain triggers that just bring me down. That and i guess whenever i think about my daughter, it is just a hellish nightmare as to how i'll go through life without my precious daughter.

[2stepboogie]

When my W and I went together to take her off the accounts it really hit me hard. The reality of the sitch caught up me. I know how you feel.

The sun will come out tomorrow no matter how bad you feel today.

Hang tight and don't lose focus.

It is only a step a small action on her part to be prepared. Do the same for yourself

[Redo]

Thanks 2Step. Yea i'll have to keep my eye on the bigger picture here and let go of the small stuff.

[spellfire]

Think carefully about what information you spill to your parents also. You are better off finding male friends to be your support and "safe people".

DBing has taught me how to manage my R with my parents better and not to let parental relationships interfere with romantic ones.

Just think about it is all I am saying. If your parents are there to support you and for you to lean on, that is different. If they are just there and you think how much you tell them will affect their R with your W later, you may want to DB with them too.

[Redo]

the problem is that my family (parents+aunt) got involved after they saw me 'lose it' when my W filed for D. Now they are quick to talk bad about my W. My mom especially starts going off into the woods with her hatred for my W and her family.

So yes while i appreciate that my parents are here to give me company and provide some emotional support, I also have to handle this other side, especially from mom who i think spews too much hate. In the past i used to get engulfed in that. Now i am able to screen and tune out her vitriol.

I guess sometimes i do use my parents as a lifeboat to express my loss of family. Sometimes they do help me see the big picture. Other times i repent as to why i told them my issues.

Its complicated.