Hello! I’ve been faithfully reading the MLC forums since the end of December. My husband dropped the bomb right around Christmas. It started the week before with him being unhappy and saying we both have to make changes. He was 100% behind me in my quest to become more active and lose weight. He even offered to pay for a personal trainer. He quickly went from supporting me to being angry with me and resenting that I hadn’t gotten motivated a year before.
We bought a house in August and prior to that we’d been living in the townhome I had prior to our marriage. We were getting it ready to sell and when he dropped the bomb he told me maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t sell it because I may need to move back there. On January 4th he told me that it wasn’t working and he needed space to see how he felt about things. On January 5th I got laid off. I had prayed with friends on the 4th because he told me we needed to talk that night when I got home from the gym and I suspected I knew what was coming. We prayed for a miracle and I thought getting laid off was it…how could he make me move out when I lost my job? It only slowed him down a couple days though.
He got sick with the flu and told me he wanted me gone. Said he needed to know if he’d miss me. Said he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. I forgot to note that on 12/26 I found out there was an OW. She’s 29 and according to him she reminds him of me when he first met me. When I was single and constantly busy with friends and parties…before I got married and became a wife and mother to his children – my step children. There were multiple times where he changed his mind and told me he didn't want to live without me or lose me but then he'd get quiet and go into a depressed state where I could see he was struggling with missing the OW and then he'd go back to needing space and not knowing what he wanted. My friends were concerned for me because of the fast change in him…going from being a very loving attentive husband to a complete stranger who wanted me gone. He had talked to me about him helping me move to our old house but my friends got together and moved me one Saturday morning while he was working his part time job and his son was at his mother’s.
There’s a lot more to tell but the short of it is that tomorrow he wants to talk to me about how to proceed with our divorce. I want to stand for our marriage but he’s on the fast track to getting rid of me. I don’t know what to say to tell him that I am standing for our marriage. He’s in major MLC and our friends have been telling me they see it all over his FB posts. He unfriended me on his birthday in January so I don’t know what he’s posting but a couple we used to do things with have contacted me and said he’s going through a “huge” midlife crisis…she said huge and her husband called it “wicked”.
If anyone can tell me how to tell a MLCer that I’m standing for our marriage I’d really appreciate it. I want to tell him that I love him and stand for the commitment we made and the vows we took. I’ve lost 40lbs since this started and I look fantastic…just not 29 anymore. I want to stand in front of him as my former independent, confident self and tell him that I’m here and don’t want a divorce.
Any advice will be appreciated. I’ve given this up to God but I’m having trouble coming up with what to say.
